Yes You Did
by Oldest Man
Summary: A/U experiment in 'what if' and a retelling of the freezer incident and subsequent events told in dreams, flashbacks and realtime. Enjoy! Confrontations, commitment phobias and confabulations.  Finished.
1. Chapter 1

A/U experiment in 'what if' and a retelling of the freezer incident and subsequent events told in dreams, flashbacks and realtime. _Paragraphs in Italics are 'dream state' or flashbacks._ Everything else is real time.

This has been nagging at me for a few weeks now. You know how it is. Especially when I have little to occupy my mind in retirement.

_Elena_ is on the backburner but will be completed - scout's honor. I also have some on-goings in another FF venue for an old friend.

I will complete this if I get sufficient interest, else I'll delete it and save FF the server load. Not a threat, just a statement of intent. Your comments are always welcome and appreciated.

APR was right. This is an addiction.

OM

* * *

><p><em><span>Yes You Did<span>_ by Oldest Man

He couldn't feel his feet. He couldn't feel his ears or fingers or his face. His eyelids were drooping and it hurt – really fucking hurt – to even move his eyes.

"Castle, I wanted you to know how much I lo – " She seemed to slip away at that exact moment.

"Kate! What? Kate?" He panicked. Somewhere inside of him he found the heat, the energy, the resolve, and he slipped off his jacket, ignoring the crackling of the hoarfrost that covered it, and wrapped it around her, breathing his warm breath against her face, her ears, any exposed skin. He loved her and she needed to survi –

* * *

><p>"<em>Kate, you said it. I heard you. I wasn't that far gone last night."<em>

"_No, Castle. I didn't. You were drunk on your ass, we both were. No, I didn't."_

"_I heard you say it, Kate. Clear as a bell and then you burrowed into me like you were freezing. I heard – "_

"_No, you didn't. You imagined it. You're a writer. You have a great imagination. You were drunk and we only woke up together because we both passed out on your couch. Tequila shooters are off the list of drinks, understand? And Castle, don't call me 'Kate'!"_

_She walked up the stone steps to the 12__th__ Precinct but Rick stopped and looked up at her retreating form. _

'_She said it. I heard her. She said it, clear as a bell. "Rick, I love you" before she snuggled against me and sighed and went to sleep. She wasn't all that drunk. Or maybe she was and thought I was Josh – but she said "Rick", not Josh.' _

_Beckett waited at the door a nanosecond out of habit. Castle was a gentleman of the old school and always opened the door for her despite her telling him over and over that she was quite capable of opening doors herself._

_No Castle._

_She turned and looked back down the steps and saw him standing there, immobile, just looking at her with such longing and frustration that she felt a moment of very uncharacteristic sympathy for him. _

"_Castle, are you coming?" Her impatient tone and her authoritarian stance said more than anything she might have uttered. _

_Kate Beckett would never say those words to Richard Castle because she was in love with Josh Davison, her boyfriend. Josh heard them frequently in response to his own declarations when he emptied himself into her. "I love you too." It was automatic, programmed, Pavlovian. _

"_No, not today. Have a good day, Detective." _

_He walked down the busy sidewalk weaving a path through the herd of pedestrians and never looked back. He shivered and wished he'd gone back to the loft for his jacket. Kate would have waited. It was cold today. He wrapped his arms tightly around himself and headed home._

* * *

><p>"Base this is EMS-7. We have a white male, later thirties, removed from meat freezer. Core temperature is 94 degrees. Request a hypothermia kit and team on standby. Heart rate is 40 – no – 37 and slowing. Classify as severe hypothermia."<p>

"Where's his jacket?"

"Gave it to her." He gave it to her, nodding towards where Beckett stood, wrapped in a blanket and her boyfriend, oblivious to the drama unfolding in ambulance EMS-7.

"EMS-7 this is Base. Get chempaks under armpits and groin. Gotta heat him up or you're going to lose him. Keep an eye on heart monitor and be alert for arrhythmia and handle per protocols. Transport immediately."

* * *

><p>"Kate, let's get you home, baby. A soak in a hot bath and a whiskey or two and you'll feel so much better – and warmer."<p>

"Where's Castle, Josh? Where is he?" She wanted to push him away so she could go check on her partner. She was so cold and so worried. Where was he?

Josh pointed to the departing EMS ambulance. "He's on his way to Sinai. He wasn't coming around as fast as you did. They'll just want to check him out and then he'll be released and probably spend a day or two in bed or in a hot bath. Hypothermia can be a killer, Katie, and I thought I'd lost you."

He put his arms around her and then led her over to the waiting patrol car that would take them both back to her apartment.

"No, Josh, I have to check on Castle. I'm his partner – "

"Not tonight. Tonight, Katie, you're going to go home, soak in a hot tub and then we'll cuddle up under as many blankets as you need to feel warm. I almost lost you tonight, Katie, and I just want to feel you in my arms."

"But – "

"No 'buts'. We're going." He led her to the waiting patrol car.

* * *

><p>"<em>Morning, sunshine." Castle reluctantly opened one eye and then the other flew open in surprise.<em>

"_Beckett! You're – you're naked!" She was straddling him in the hammock, her breasts mere inches from his face._

"_We're naked, Rick. I don't think I'll ever get used to wearing clothes again. This was a wonderful idea, lover. A private island in the South Pacific, just the two of us in our 'little grass shack', no phones, no bodies dropping out of the sky, just you and me, Rick, with nothing to do but make love, eat whatever we feel like out of the gigantic refrigerator, lie in the sand, make love, swim in the blue Pacific, make love – "_

_He gasped and shivered when she moved herself over him. He could feel how wet she was, how ready she was as she slid against his hard length._

_"Oh, Rick, this is the honeymoon of my dreams and I'm so happy I finally got you to the altar. It was a true labor of love. Now, how about performing your own labor of love and show me how much you love me?"_

"_Beckett – something's wrong here. I don't – " His heart skipped a beat when she slipped herself onto him. And another. And yet another._

"_Kate. My name is Kate Castle. Say it, Rick. Say my name. It makes me so damned hot when you do." _

_She was a biter when she approached her climax and she bit him hard on his chest and he winced and shivered in the cold wind that suddenly sprang up._

* * *

><p>'Base, EMS-7. ECG shows series of arrhythmias.'<p>

'EMS-7, this is Base. Treat with DeFib. Advise ETA.'

'Clear! No change. 400 joules. Clear! Okay, looks like normal sinus rhythm and successful Cardioversion.'

'Good! Advise ETA.'

'Base, 6 minutes, maybe less. Traffic is heavy.'

'Have you applied chemical heat packs?'

'Yes. Core temp still 94.'

"Better step on it, EMS-7.'

* * *

><p>To Be Continued? <span>You<span> decide.

OM


	2. Chapter 2

If Chapter 1 offended anyone, I apologize. Some people thought the rating of 'T' should have been 'M'.

Thanks for the encouragment to continue this. It's interesting reading the comments. You folks definitely don't get out enough.

Thanks again for the alerts, favs and reviews.

OM

* * *

><p><em><span>Yes You Did<span>_ by Oldest Man  
>Chapter 2<p>

Freezer Crime Scene

Esposito and Ryan finished briefing the Captain and started off for the hospital. The Feds had descended on the site and Fallon was making assignments to his people.

"Where'd they take them?" Montgomery would follow in his own vehicle when he was done with the circus.

"Ah, Cap, Castle's on his way to Mt Sinai and Beckett's boyfriend probably took her home. We're on our way to check on Castle, if that's all right with you?

"Castle's in worse shape? He's bigger and…"

"He wrapped Beckett up in his jacket and was breathing into it when we found them. He sent his breath down across her face; it was warmer than the ambient air temperature."

And she hadn't even bothered to check on him. That pissed Montgomery off.

"Ryan, get Beckett on the phone. We need a report on this, verbal will do for now. Tell her we need her back here to debrief. Fallon's people will be all over this and we don't want to look like some incompetent hayseeds. Esposito, you call Dr. Parish and have her meet you at Mt. Sinai. I want a friendly face greeting him and able to answer any and all of his medical questions. You're still here, Esposito? Go!"

Esposito ran to his car while dialing Lanie Parish.

"Javier, I'm kinda busy right now. My mom's in town and – "

"Get dressed for work. I'll pick you up in 10 minutes. Beckett and Castle got locked in a freezer. Beckett's okay but that asshat motorcycle boy took off with her. Castle's in a bad way and Montgomery's dealing with Feds and wants a friendly face with medical knowledge to answer Castle's questions when he wakes up."

"How bad is it? Why isn't Beckett with him? How did they get trapped in a freezer? Espo – "

"Nine minutes, maybe less. You be ready and out front. Cap don't want Castle freaking out when he regains consciousness. C'mon, Lanie, it's Castle."

"I'll be ready in five." She hung up the phone and turned to her mother who'd heard her side of the conversation.

"Go. I'll be fine here. You got to go be with your friends, MacLaine, it's what's right."

* * *

><p>Patrol Car<p>

Beckett snuggled down into the back seat of the patrol car and pulled her jacket close around her, feeling warmer and more secure than she had in a long time. She dozed off.

_Castle saw Demming walk out of the interrogation room and take the stairs to his own floor. Kate walked out of the room a few seconds behind him and was smiling. Castle figured she'd finalized her plans for the weekend since she only had to work if __he__ asked her out to his place in The Hamptons._

_He looked into the break room and had the sudden and almost uncontrollable urge to leave and never come back. He'd given her two years and they were no closer to being what he wanted them to be than they'd been a week after he started shadowing her._

_He stood up, waved to the people in the break room and walked over to the elevator and pushed the button. He'd called Gina and invited her up for a week just to provide a little motivation and incentive to finish the damned book. She would nag, harp, coax and cajole him into finishing it well before the deadline and he was fine with that. He'd spend the remainder of the summer with his mother and Alexis and settle down and finish the Heat series._

"_Castle? Rick? Can I talk to you a second?" Beckett was standing there looking apprehensive._

"_Certainly, Detective. When have I ever told you 'no'?"_

"_In the interview room, please? What I have to say is personal." Again, the apprehension._

"_Look, Detective, I'm really going to be late if I don't leave now. Traffic is horrible on the LIE." He made a big deal out of looking at his watch._

"_Rick, I – I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry I didn't – "_

"_Apology accepted, Detective. Now, have a good summer and be safe. I really have to go."_

"_Damn it, Castle, I'm trying to tell you something important. I need you to know that I think maybe, no, damn it, I'm certain that I've fallen in lo – "_

_The elevator door dinged and opened and Gina reached out and grabbed Castle by the arm, pulling him into the back of the elevator car. "She walked up to the door and faced Kate and spoke quietly. _

_'Hello, Detective Beckett. I'm sure you and Detective Dumming will enjoy the public beaches over the holiday. You should have said 'Yes', y'know? Now he's all mine for the entire summer. I doubt he'll remember your name by August."_

_The door closed in Kate's face. She had lied to him, told him she had to work. She broke up with Tom because she realized he wasn't Castle. Now it was too damned late. It should be her waking up next to Castle not that damned bottle-blonde bitch of an ex-wife. She was an 'ex' for a reason._

_From the look on Castle's face, Beckett had joined the 'Exes' club, too. She lied, denied and procrastinated. She was too late._

* * *

><p>A sudden, almost violent change in direction woke Kate up and she felt hot tears on her cheeks and wiped them away with the storm cuffs of Castle's jacket. "Why aren't we going to my apartment, Officer?"<p>

"Captain Montgomery needs you back at the crime scene, Detective. He needs a briefing before the Feds descend on the place like locusts."

"No way! I'm her doctor and she's going home. This is just so much bullshit. She needs rest not a damned interrogation."

"Josh, it's okay. I need to go back. I feel much better, warmer, so yeah, I can go back."

"Damn it, Katie, you almost died! The precious NYPD can do without your services for 12 damned hours. If you'd been in that freezer a few more minutes, you would have died. Officer, drive on to the address I gave you."

The driver looked over at his partner and mouthed 'what an asshole' and reached down and flipped on the lights and siren and accelerated through the parting traffic.

"Hey, idiot! I told you I'm her doctor and – "

"Open your yap one more time, buddy, and I'll taze you. You've been warned. A captain in the NYPD outranks a doc outside of the hospital. The Detective says she's okay with returning so we're going back to the crime scene."

"Damn it – " His body went rigid and he lost control for a second and then sat there panting and trying to make sense out of things.

"Warned ya!" The cop looked at Beckett with an unvoiced apology in his eyes.

"He _was_ warned in accordance with doctrine and procedure, Officer." She snickered and then burrowed deeper into the leather jacket that made her feel warm and safe.

"Make sure your boyfriend understands that I'll arrest him for obstruction of justice the next time he gets in my face."

* * *

><p>Freezer Crime Scene<p>

"Captain, Beckett's phone goes straight to voice mail so I had dispatch contact the patrol car and they're on their way back here." Ryan had seen the look on his captain's face when he heard that Beckett hadn't even stayed around to check on Castle.

"Good. I want to see her the second she's back. Now, go play nice with the Feds and delay them if you can. Spin your usual BS, Kevin, and buy me some time, okay?"

"You got it, Cap." Ryan walked towards the cluster of Federal agents and put his biggest Irish 'bullshit' grin on his face. Show time!"


	3. Chapter 3

Third installment of this drivel. Thank you for all your gracious comments.

OH, yeah, I own nothing related to Castle, although I did own stock in ABC's parent company but dumped it when the economy tanked.

* * *

><p><em><span>Yes You Did<span>_ by Oldest Man  
>Chapter 3<p>

Mt. Sinai ER Entrance

The ambulance backed into the ER unloading area and a swarm of people in scrubs began a carefully orchestrated ballet around the vehicle. Castle was in the treatment area within seconds of his arrival.

"Okay, people, number one: cut off his clothing and be very careful with it. The skin is very sensitive and ice crystals can cause cellular rupture so take your time. Number two: start warming packs and an IV of warmed saline. Number three: tape the eyes closed and place warm compresses over them. Replace every 15 minutes for the next two hours and then tape gauze pads over the eyes. Leave 'em there for the next 48 hours."

"Let's move it people. Core temp is 92, down a degree – "

Rick was lying on the ER treatment gurney when Nikki Heat showed up and shoved her way to his side.

"_Oh, Ricky, look at you. You gave her your jacket and she isn't even here. In fact, Ricky, no one is here. Well, except for me and I really didn't have a choice in the matter. Tell ya what, get up and let's go down to the cafeteria and get a cup of coffee and you can tell me all about tonight."_

_Castle looked around at the empty room where he lay on a gurney and sighed. She was right, of course. They'd dumped him out and went on their way. He got up and followed her out into the deserted corridor and followed the signs for the cafeteria. Nikki held his hand and made all the right turns and comments._

"_Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, when are you going to smarten up and realize that Beckett's not the girl for you. You're a classy guy and all, but she's definitely out of your league. Stick with us bimbos, Ricky. We'll always tell you we love you and will never leave you – it's what we do best."_

"_Look, I know I'm hallucinating you so I'll play along. First, you like me because you're me, really. I love me so you __have__ to love me. As for the bimbos, yeah, they always tell me they love me and I give them cab fare and send them and their love home in the morning. Beckett's different. She loves me in spite of what I am."_

"_Does not."_

"_Does too. She told me in the freezer!"_

"_Did not. Did she actually say 'love you'? No, she didn't."_

"_That's what she was going to say." _

"_Was not – and I can prove it."_

"_Yeah? How?"_

"_Where is she?" _

"_Questions are not proof, Nikki. They're just questions."_

"_If she loves you, why isn't she here?"_

"_She's a detective. She probably out – detecting." He hadn't expected Nikki to ask questions that pointed to his greatest fear and disappointment._

"_The proof is in the answers, Ricky. Look, you're probably gonna die here tonight. That was a noble thing you did, giving Kate your jacket; it was also the dumbest thing you've done since banging your ex-wife every time she comes to town. Do you love her?"_

"_With all my heart."_

"_Then why did you divorce her?"_

"_I meant Beckett, Nikki, not Meredith."_

"_Well, I meant Meredith, your ex-wife with whom you share a child and the occasional romp in the sack."_

"_Those times are over, Nikki. You know I've been really trying to prove to her that I can be trusted."_

"_Why bother? She's never, ever going to let you in, Ricky. You'll always be the annoying writer who used his influence with the Mayor of this fine city to get his way. You irritate her. You bug the living shit out of her. She's with Albert Schweitzer, humanitarian and all around hot fella. I wouldn't toss him out of bed for eating crackers. I'll bet she's with him now, cuddled up against him, sucking the heat out of him and never giving your sorry ass a thought."_

"_Let me ask __you__ a question, Nikki."_

"_Go ahead. It's your hallucination. Ask away, Ricky. Oh, by the way, your fingers and toes and ears are probably going to be amputated if you don't die from neglect. They're white now but I can see the tissue turning black as cells thaw and rupture. How're ya gonna type my story without fingers? And you're probably gonna go blind, too, if you don't die first. You can't see a damned thing, can ya, Ricky?"_

"_Stop it. My questions. Why won't you cut Jameson a break and let him in? He loves you without reservation or condition. He's perfect for you and I know because I imagined him into existence. You're not that different from Beckett now that I think about it. You're cold to him, distant, never let him in, you're – "_

"_Just like Beckett. The way you wrote me is just like the way your subconscious knows she is – cold, controlling, manipulative. You're beginning to bore me, Ricky. Rook and I have a special relationship that's so much better than anything you could ever hope to have with the Ice Princess. I'm taking off now. You can find your own way back, unless you're dead already and this is Hell."_

"_I love you, Nikki. Even if you are a hateful bitch."_

"_Love ya, too, Rookie. It's been – interesting."_

* * *

><p>Mt. Sinai ER Reception Desk<p>

"I'm Dr. Parish with the NYPD. I need a status report on one of our consultants, Richard Castle. He was brought in a few minutes ago and is being treated for hypothermia."

"I'm sorry, Dr. Parish, but I can't release any information. He's in the treatment area and I can't release a status or update except to the next of kin."

"Lookie here, maybe you're deaf or just stupid, but I said DOCTOR Parish of the NYPD and I want a status on Richard Castle or this fine looking detective is going to arrest you for obstruction. Now, where is he?"

"Ma'am, I told you I can't release any information. Now, either leave, or take a seat in the ER waiting room until a doctor authorizes release of information. Either that," she gives Lanie a look that says she's in charge, "or I'll call security and have you removed!"

"Never mind. I'll find out his status myself. Detective Esposito, if she reaches for a phone, arrest her."

"Yes ma'am, Dr. Parish, ma'am." As serious as the situation was, he was always tickled by Lanie when she became the mama bear protecting her young. She was not to be trifled with.

Lanie pushed open a set of double doors and listened for a second until she heard the sounds she hated from her residency – the sounds of doctors and nurses fighting to save a life. Following those sounds, she pulled back the curtain on a treatment area and gasped.

"Oh, Castle, what have you done to yourself?"


	4. Chapter 4

Lukewarm reception to this and I have a house full of people and a lot of other things to do. I'll going to wrap it up shortly. I'm giving you a treat. There might be another chapter later today if I feel like it.

OM

* * *

><p><em><span>Yes You Did<span>_ by Oldest Man

Chapter 4  
>Freezer Crime Scene<p>

The patrol car had barely stopped when Beckett jumped from it and spotted the Captain and Ryan talking to Agent Fallon. She felt a chill and pulled the jacket more tightly around her. She glanced back and saw Josh getting out of the patrol car to follow her and she held up a hand in the universal sign of 'Stop' and then walked briskly towards her commanding officer. She sensed more than heard the car door slam shut.

Ryan moved to intercept her and brief her on the situation. The Captain was really pissed that she'd turned off her cell phone.

"Beckett, wait up a minute and I'll bring you up to speed. I've been trying to call you but it goes to voice mail. Fallon's all over this like white on rice and Montgomery's champing at the bit for a sitrep."

"Where's Esposito? Where's - "

"Cap sent Esposito to pick up Lanie and take her to – "

"Why? This isn't our jurisdiction. The Syrian's body's going – "

"He wanted one of our own to be with Castle. They're going to Mt Sinai to meet the EMS bus– "

At that moment Kate saw the gurney being loaded onto one of the EMS ambulances. There was a body in a bag on it. Her mind jumped to an obvious conclusion. Castle wasn't at her side pestering her with questions about her condition. Castle wasn't here. That was Castle in that bag. Castle was dead. Castle was 'one of our own' and Lanie was going to handle the autopsy.

Ryan grabbed Beckett when she sagged against him.

"Need a little help here!" Kevin lowered a sobbing Beckett gently to the ground.

Josh had been watching her and tried to get out of the patrol car but the driver had locked the doors after Beckett got out. He screamed obscenities and threats but was mostly ignored except by a few photographers who followed cops around hoping for a good scoop and pictures. They immortalized Josh's anger and frustration on disc as well as Beckett's collapse and mentally tallied up their money for the Page Six photos. And TMZ. And E!

"Ryan, help me up. I have to see him!" Kate was still crying but was fighting her emotions, bringing them back under her iron control. She started walking toward the body bag on the gurney dragging Kevin Ryan along.

"See who? It's the Syrian guy, what's his name, the cousin. There's nothing to see but a slowly thawing corpse-sickle. C'mon, Beckett, the Captain's pissed enough as it is."

* * *

><p>Mt Sinai ER Treatment Room<p>

She walked over to the head of the treatment table and leaned down and whispered in Castle's ear not knowing if he was conscious at all or just in and out. It didn't matter one bit.

"Rick, it's Lanie Parish. I'm here to look out for you and make sure these amateurs don't muck something up. Look, your eyes are taped shut so don't freak out and think you're blind. It's a precaution and a comfort to you. You'll appreciate it later, believe me. Two days and the patches come off and I'll get to revel in those baby blues you use with such devastating effect."

The head of the trauma team nodded at her and smiled. "It's good that you're here, Doctor. Don't tell him too much, though. We don't want him cratering on the table now, do we? We're almost out of the woods and he'll be tucked into a nice bed within an hour or two. Just got to get his core temp up another 5 degrees or so.

Lanie knew her stuff. If his core temp was 93, the smoke the doctor was blowing was only for Castle's benefit.

"Did you hear that, Rick. Maybe Beckett will finally be here to whisper sweet nothings in your slightly frost-nipped ear. You got to hang in there, WriterBoy, hang in there for Kate. She's coming around, Rick, slowly but surely. Don't give up on my girl. I know she loves you. She just doesn't have the nerve to admit it – even to herself."

* * *

><p>"<em>Castle, if I didn't love you so much I'd rip off something you highly prize. This is <em>_totally__ your damned fault. That trip to St. Barts, the suite, the champagne, the chocolate covered strawberries, those silk sheets and your hot mouth all over me – this is all your fault."_

"_Okay, Detective Castle, just give one big push and – hey, there, little girl, say hello to Mommy & Daddy! It's a girl, Mr. Castle. Mr. Castle? Nurse, get an orderly in here to clean him up and bring him around. Jesus, he can write blood and guts but hand him a little bundle of joy and he's out like a light."_

* * *

><p>"Ah, a grin. So there's someone awake inside that thick skull of yours? That's good, Rick. Keep smiling, sweetie. Keep thinking positive thoughts. I'm sure Beckett's on the way. Y'know, that was a brave thing you did, giving her your jacket. Don't die on me, Rick. Fight! Come back to us."<p>

* * *

><p>"<em>Daddy, put me down. Lexie, help!"<em>

"_Connor, don't be a wuss. Dad's not going to throw you away. He's just teasing you – I think!"_

"_Some sister you are!"_

"_Richard Castle, put my precious boy down this instant or I'ma gonna smack you upside yo' head. He's only four and whatever he did, he didn't mean to do. C'mere baby. Momma's not gonna let your Daddy throw you away. He loves you just like he loves me and Lexie and just like I love him."_

"_Lanie, you might change your mind about throwing him away. He got into your makeup and started that mural on your bedroom wall – again. My lil Bro's going to be a great artist someday if you or Dad don't rip his arms off first."_

* * *

><p>"Love you, too, Lanie. Our son…" and he fell back to wherever he'd been.<p>

"Richard Castle, damn you, wake up! You got some 'splain' to do!" She felt a sudden urge to cry. His voice had been so tender and loving.

* * *

><p>Freezer Crime Scene<p>

"Captain, if we're done here I'd really like to get over to Mt Sinai and check on Castle." They'd gone over things twice among themselves and then twice for the Feds. She'd been standing there for almost an hour wrapped in Castle's jacket and a blanket, shivering every minute or so and leaning on Kevin Ryan.

"What about your boyfriend? He doesn't seem too damned pleased with things."

"He's not used to orders or being tazed. He'll get over it or he can go on to Haiti like he planned to do. So, are we done or not?"

Fallon looked at Montgomery who nodded. "Yeah. Just keep in touch and don't turn off the cell phone. Make sure your doctor friend knows that this is a national security issue and if he gets in the way, the Patriot Act has clauses that will cover his arrest and detention. Go. Tell Castle I said to get his ass back in the game. We need him."

* * *

><p>Mt Sinai ER reception desk<p>

"Hi, I'm Detective Beckett with the NYPD and I need to see Richard Castle. He was brought in here about an hour or so ago."

The receptionist sighed and pointed to where Esposito was sitting in a hard plastic chair, nodding off. It had been a long day.

"Esposito, what do you have for me?" Kate reverted to type when put in an uncomfortable situation. And she was definitely uncomfortable with the look Esposito was giving her.

"Yeah, you're here." There was an implied 'finally' at the end of his sentence and Beckett looked down briefly at her boots and then fixed Esposito with her 'look'.

"Okay, Lanie's in there with him and I'm out here with you. That's my report. Pull up one of these comfortable plastic ass-busters and wait. That's what I was told to do."

Lanie picked that moment to walk out into the reception area to bring Esposito up to date and to regain control of her emotions. Whatever Castle had meant to say was lost in his mind but what he said made her cry.

Esposito jumped up and put his arms around her, not caring one bit that the 'cat was out of the bag'. Feeling his strong arms around her she broke down and sobbed into his shoulder.

"Lanie, is it Castle? Oh, God, no!" Beckett ran down the corridor Lanie had just come from and followed the sounds of voices.

* * *

><p><em>He woke up.<em>

"_Kate? Beckett? Lanie? Anyone?" He rolled off his gurney onto his feet and reached around and held the backs of the gown together. He didn't want his bare ass grossing out anyone._

_Alone again. He got mad, not angry, mad. He tore out the IV and ripped off the monitoring doojabbers and took stock of his surrounding. His eyes hurt, hell, everything hurt. _

_He stepped out into the hallway and then walked over to the nurses' station but it was deserted. The TV in one of the patient's rooms caught his attention. It was showing scenes from the streets and bridges leading out of Manhattan as everyone with a vehicle of any kind was rushing to escape the city. Air raid sirens and civil defense alarms were sounding._

"_What's going on here?" The patient in the room had two broken legs and couldn't get out of bed without help._

"_They're all gone. There's a nuclear bomb in the city. Terrorists. The mayor's ordered an evacuation. How come you're still here?"_

"_I had an operation, I think. Probably unconscious when they evacuated." _

_The TV image zoomed in on a gaggle of SUVs and police cars with their brilliant blue strobe lights flashing. The image zoomed in closer and closer until the back of a utility van was visible and he saw Kate staring in horror at the bomb assembly._

"_Crap! Kate, run, get out of there. It's going to blow!" Another incredibly tight image filled the screen. It showed the digital timer counting down…_

"_Kate! Run! Run!" He stood in front of the wall-mounted TV willing her to hear him – to listen to him – to run._

_He watched as the timer clicked down 11 – 10 – 9 – 8. He shook the TV as if he could get her attention._

_7 – 6 – 5 – 4 "Kate, damn it, Kate!" She turned away from the bomb and he saw her say clear as day "I love you – " She looked so beautiful, so at peace with herself - _

_3 – 2 – 1 – The screen turned white and then black and the hospital room was bathed in brilliant white light and then the entire room exploded inward as the blast wave reached them._

_It didn't matter to Castle. He'd seen her lips, before she became star stuff, form the name of the man she loved._

_._

_._

_._

_._

**_To Be Continued_**


	5. Chapter 5

This is short but you guys got TWO yesterday so live with it. Nice reviews. Nice hit count. Thanks.

I suppose you should read the last couple of paragraphs of chapter 4 to truly appreciate the opening but hey, whatever floats your canoe.

* * *

><p><em><span>Yes You Did<span>_ by Oldest Man  
>Chapter 5<p>

His momentary hallucination damned him to an interminable Hell of his own creation.

_It didn't matter to Castle. He'd seen her lips, before she became star stuff, form the name of the man she loved._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

"_Josh."_

* * *

><p>Castle's moans and mutterings caught the Senior physician's attention. He looked at the EKG tapes and then eyeballed his team of residents and attendings.<p>

"Damn it! Why isn't his core temp coming up? We're running out of options here, people. Any ideas?"

A resident ventured, "He gave his jacket to his partner. Classic Paradoxical Undressing. He's further down the scale than we thought."

The senior physician looked at the resident and sneered. "You've obviously never been in love, Claudia, or at least not to the degree our patient is. You people have got to learn to listen to the EMTs when they bring us a patient. He was breathing into the jacket after he'd zipped it up and covered her head. He was providing her with heated air to breathe, even if it wasn't all that warm, really. He was trying to save her. I think we owe it to them to try and save him."

Kate was standing outside the room and had heard everything. She'd frozen in place when she heard '_We're running out of options, people_'. She was suddenly aware of the bomber jacket that she'd been wearing since – since she regained her wits and found Josh by her side. She'd assumed it was Josh's jacket but now realized it wasn't.

"Oh, Rick." A nurse saw her and gently turned her around and whispered that she didn't belong there but Kate sidestepped her and walked into the treatment room and up to the head of the table and sat on the small stool that Lanie had vacated.

"Rick, it's Kate. Listen to me. I'm alive, healthy and I'm still wearing your jacket. You kept me alive with your wonderful caring gesture and I'm not leaving here until I tell you what I think I started to tell you in the freezer. Take your time, sweetheart. We have all the time in the world to get it right. I'll be right here the whole time waiting for you. I'm done running away from us."

"Miss – "

"Detective. Detective Kate Beckett. This is my partner, Richard Castle. And I'm not leaving so don't even think about wasting one second on this. Fix him. Save him. Nothing else you ever do in your life will have a greater impact than that."

She kissed Rick's cheek, unmindful of the audience. She didn't care. She was where she was supposed to be. She pressed her cheek to his cold one and wrapped her arms carefully around his neck, mindful of the wires and tubes and gizmos.

"Um, _Detective_, I was just going to explain what's going on and what we're going to end up doing. His eyes are taped shut to prevent further damage and discomfort. We've got heat packs in his armpits and groin and we're probably going to have to resort to some invasive measures. He's just not fighting back. It's like he's in limbo. So here's what we're going to do…"

* * *

><p><em>He was standing well back from the attendees, watching the people who were his world slowly come to terms with his absence. He looked around the cemetery and then over at his friends and family.<em>

_"It's time to go, Rick." The voice he never expected to hear again spoke softly in his ear and he felt a hand on his shoulder._

_"Cannell? Man, I thought I'd never get to see you again. You look great. We all really miss you, Steve. It's not the same without you."_

_"Rick, it won't be the same without you, either, but you'll see. People adapt, change, move on with their lives. You did. Patterson did. It's time to go, Rick. We got a poker game going upstairs that's incredible. US Grant, Francis Bacon, Tom Jefferson and even Charlie Dickens sits in for a hand occasionally. I've saved a seat for you."_

_"I'm not finished here, Steve. I have so much more to do. I'm not even 40 for God's sake and I've found the woman I love and we're just beginning to – "_

_"We're going, Castle. It's time. Don't make this harder than it has to be."_

_"No, damn it! It's not fair! I just – I won't go. I'm not ready to die. I've never told her how much I love her."_

_"No…I won't go. I'm not…to die. …never told her…love her."_

* * *

><p>She heard his mumbled words through the oxygen mask and whispered, "Don't go. We have too much to do together. I want to hear you say it. Tell me, Rick. Tell me."<p>

"Detective Beckett, we have to move him to the OR. We're going to hook him up to a heart-lung machine and get him toasty warm in no time."

"That sounds like a last resort to me. Isn't there anything else…"

"He's probably a very bright young man but if we don't do something soon, we could be overseeing the beginnings of brain death. In my opinion, it's the most expeditious method of bringing his core temp up. It's been done many times before."

"Can I – can I go with him? Please. I don't want him to be alone any more."

"No. Can't happen. I'll keep you posted every step of the way and we'll come and get you if things look – if we need you, okay? Best offer."

"I'll take it."

* * *

><p>Kate stood in the corridor and watched as the gurney with the man she'd never told she loved disappeared into an operating room. She wasn't sure how long she stood there but it was long enough for Lanie to come looking for her.<p>

"Where's Castle, Kate?" Lanie had a terrible feeling that Castle was gone and that Kate was in shock.

"In the operating room. They're going to hook him up to a heart-lung machine and warm him up like a piece of toast. That's what the doctor said. I'm waiting here because the doctor said they'd come get me if they needed me. He meant if Castle was dying, didn't he?"

"C'mon, Kate. Let's get some coffee and maybe something solid in you while you brief the others on his condition and what they're doing to him. You know more than we do at this point." She put her arm around her friend and led her back to the ER reception area.


	6. Chapter 6

Please remember that the events in **chapters 1-5** take place in the space of the first 4 hours after our characters were found in the freezer.

* * *

><p><em><span>Yes You Did<span>_ by Oldest Man

Chapter 6

Mt Sinai ER Reception Room

The entire team and the Captain were waiting, drinking coffee and quietly discussing 'things' and waiting on news of their friend. The Captain had located and brought Martha Rodgers and Alexis and they were sitting off by themselves. Both had been crying but Kevin had brought Martha coffee and Alexis a hot chocolate and was keeping them occupied.

Martha spotted Kate and Lanie and jumped to her feet, hands over her mouth as she took in the scene: Lanie almost carrying Kate from the treatment area, Kate looking shell-shocked and numb.

"Oh, my dear God, no!" The rest of the team stood and converged on Martha who was clutching Alexis to her as if afraid that the last link with her son might suddenly disappear.

Lanie figured she'd better inform the family and others since Kate was a bundle of nerves and not the best at communicating when distracted.

"Martha, he's in the operating room getting warmed up. He hasn't responded as quickly as they'd like and so they're treating him as if he had severe hypothermia. If you all," looking out at the assembled group of concerned friends and family, "will just take a seat, I'll tell you exactly what I know – leaving nothing out."

Kate's cell phone vibrated in Rick's jacket pocket and she glanced at it. Technically she was still on duty but unless the mayor himself fell out of the sky with a knife in his back she was not leaving.

"Lanie, I need some air. I'll be just outside. This place is stifling hot and I need to clear my head. Get me the instant anyone in scrubs shows up – understand?"

"Go. Take the time you need. Call your Dad. He knows what happened and he's worried about you."

"Who the hell told my father?"

"Who else – Josh."

"God damn him to hell!" _This is his entire fault. All of it. I should have dumped his ass the first –_

She sighed and shook her head. She hadn't planned on dumping Josh. She was going to try and go the distance because he was safe, easy to please with a few rolls in the hay, easier still to hold at arms' length emotionally.

Between his traveling and her job, it would be easy to sustain a relationship without an immediate commitment on her part. If her feelings changed, it would be easy to walk away. It was why she always checked out the emotional exits with anyone she might get serious with.

But her feelings _had_ changed. She'd already made an emotional commitment to one Richard Alexander Castle. She'd just been denying it at every turn for as long as she could remember.

Well, no more. In for a penny, in for a pound. What she said in the ER treatment room had freed something in her, liberated something and she liked how it made her feel. She loved Richard Castle. It was an exhilarating feeling but sobering at the same time. He was knocking on Death's Door and she'd never told him although she thought she did or tried to in that damned freezer.

* * *

><p>Kate left the ER area and stood out on the apron that served as the turn-around for the ambulances. She looked at her cell phone and saw 8 missed calls and as many texts. Three of the calls, including the one a few seconds ago, were from her father so she called him back.<p>

"Dad, it's me. I'm okay but I'm at the hospital. Rick's not doing so hot and they've put him on a machine to try and raise his core temperature."

"What happened? All I got was some disjointed message from your boyfriend and he said you were frozen but thawed and how you were going to make the biggest mistake of your life. Are you, Katie-girl? Are you making a mistake?"

_Katie-girl. He'd called her that forever but not since her mother had died. _

"No, Dad, I'm not making a mistake. I'm righting a wrong. I have to go. I love you, Daddy, and I'll call you soon."

She disconnected the call and then took a deep breath and called Josh.

"'lo?' What time is it?" She knew he was a hard sleeper and sometimes she'd had to resort to drastic measures to wake him up.

"Josh, it's Kate. It's way past time."

"Past time? Jesus, what does that mean? I didn't appreciate being left with that crazy cop with the Taser, Katie, not one bit. Do you know the damage those things do to fine motor control?"

"You – you – asshole! You told me Castle was okay. You led me to believe it was normal for me to be up and about and him still unconscious. You told me he'd be home in a few hours after the hospital checked him out. You used being a doctor to keep me in the dark about his condition. You used – for the last damned time. We're over, done, through, finished, cratered, broken up and thrown away. If you ever come within 10 yards of me I will shoot you!"

"Katie, you're overwrought. You're hysterical. You need to calm down and talk to me. I'll come over and we'll talk. I know you don't mean those things. I love you and you said you loved me – "

"I lied. I lied to you and to myself. I love Richard Castle, the guy who makes my world brighter, who gave me his jacket and his warmth and who may be dying and you took me away from him tonight and I let you. Goodbye. Don't call, don't write, don't send texts, don't email me, and don't even breathe the same air I do. You're dead to me, Doctor Davidson. Dead to me."

She felt satisfied and complete for the first time that she could remember. She had found him, her elusive 'one and done'. Now all she had to do was make sure he survived long enough for her to tell him she loved him, listen to his longed-for response and then drag him to her lair – or his. It didn't matter as long as they were together.

She turned and walked back into the ER reception room feeling lighter, freer, happy. She didn't notice the Channel 6 News truck pull up into the ER parking area.

* * *

><p>OR 3<p>

"Good job, everyone. Let's get him cleaned up, stitched up and into recovery. There's a certain young woman who is anxiously awaiting news. Claudia, do the honors. Get her gowned and masked and wait for us in Recovery. Maybe you'll learn something about people."

Claudia Phelps knew she was being judged and found wanting. Her senior attending held her career in his hands, at least for this rotation. She'd learned from her parents, both doctors themselves, that you needed to keep a force field around you so that patients didn't 'get to you'.

She pushed open the double doors into the ER reception area and scanned the room for the brunette who was the source of her irritation. Doctors and cops were exactly alike and she could see what the detective's failure to maintain her force field had cost her.

"Detective Beckett?"

"Here!" Kate's heart was in her throat. _I'll keep you posted every step of the way and we'll come and get you if things look – if we need you, okay? _

"Hurry, Detective. You'll need to be gowned and masked. I'll help you – " and they disappeared through the double doors leaving a stunned group of people in their wake.

"Here, take off the jacket and hold out your arms and let me pull this on you. You don't need gloves but the mask is a requirement. Just don't panic when you see him, okay? He's going to look pale as a ghost and if there are tremors it's because he's coming out of the anesthesia and it's quite normal."

"He – he's not dying? The doctor said he'd come and get me – "

"Dr. Shapiro is too damned concerned with family instead of the patients if you ask me."

"No one did, doctor. You could learn from him. Compassion, caring, concern, they're all hallmarks of a great physician. My best friend is a doctor and her compassion for hers are incredible and she brings such support to the families in times of crisis."

She snorted in derision. "He gets too close, too involved. You need to stay at an emotional distance or you'll end up a basket case crying over every one you lose. It's the nature of our professions, detective. Don't tell me you don't see the parallels?"

"That's how I used to be. It's lonely and about as rewarding as shit. You go ahead, cut yourself off from your fellow man and see just how warm you are at night. You can't keep the emotional distance just in your professional life, can you? You don't see it in your personal life? I did. And I was wrong."

"Well, let's agree to disagree. Your boyfriend will be in this room. A nurse will be in every 10 minutes or so to check his vitals and make sure he doesn't tear up our fine needlepoint once he's situated. If there's nothing else – "

"No. I'm good. Thank you."

* * *

><p>Recovery Room<p>

The room was empty. She could hear voices in the corridor and the wheels of gurney squeaking as it was slowly moved down the corridor. Her heart was pounding and she felt like throwing up. She was so anxious and she wanted to look into his eyes and tell him her truth – Josh was history and he was her future.

She stepped back to allow the nurses to position the gurney in the recovery room and then explain the 'hardware and stuff' to her.

"He's on oxygen only to ensure that his breathing does not become labored as a result of the anesthesia. He's getting a pint of warmed blood to replace the amounts left in the machine. It's a totally normal thing for the patient. Now, he's naked because we need to be able to monitor the shunt sites in his inner thigh and lower abdomen. The towel is there for his modesty. Again, this is procedure. We'll cover his upper body with a warmed blanket but we have to be able to see if the blood thinner causes any excessive bleeding. I think that's about it. Any questions?"

"When will he wake up?"

The nurse smiled, stifling a chuckle. The woman did not look like she'd had any humor in her life recently. She was wan looking and worried.

"Whenever he does. He'll be disoriented. Don't pay any attention to anything he says. Ring the call bell if you need a nurse. We check on him every 10 minutes for the first hour and then every 15-20 for the following hour. He's doing great and the doctor told us there should be no complications."

Kate ran her hand down his exposed arm. "He's still so cold. Is that normal?"

"His core temp is 97 and the room is chilly and he's still thawing." She saw the grimace on Kate's face and apologized for her comment. "Sorry, I meant his skin temp lags behind for quite a while. It's normal."

Kate laughed. "There's nothing normal about Richard Castle. Nothing at all. He's not like this. He's not normally so still, so pale."

"He'll be right as rain and probably be released to bed rest later in the day. The doctor has some mental acuity tests to perform when he's awake to make sure he's all there. He was so near bottoming out for so long. That's probably unnecessary but Dr. Shapiro is nuts about making sure his patients are given every opportunity for a full recovery."

Kate pulled at the cuff of the gown and checked the time on her Dad's watch. Had it only been 6 hours since she'd been taken from the freezer? It seemed like a lifetime.

She pulled up a chair and got as close to the gurney as she could and took his chilled hand in hers and brought it to her lips and held it there until the nurse came in to check on him 10 minutes later.


	7. Chapter 7

This is short and I'm pressed for time. Sun, surf, sand, beautiful babes in bikinis!

And then there are paternal and fraternal obligations that keep rearing their pesky heads. I had more time when I was on active duty than now, it seems.

OM

_May the light always find you on a dreary day.__  
><em>_When you need to be home, may you find a way.__  
><em>_May you always have courage to take a chance.__  
><em>_And never find strange little crawlies in your underpants._

* * *

><p><em><span>Yes You Did<span>_ by Oldest Man  
>Chapter 7<p>

The vultures descended en masse at Mt Sinai's Emergency Room parking lot as did several security vehicles. The security people were having fits stopping people from trying to get into the hospital and take pictures of the celebrity patient, Richard Castle, who, it was rumored, had been assaulted by his muse, or been involved in some bizarre sex game gone awry, or had OD'd on drugs provided by his muse/detective. The vultures were hungry.

His agent had been contacted by one of the news people for a statement and that's how Paula learned that Rick was in the hospital. She made a few calls and suddenly the entire ER was surrounded by Rent-a-Cops from a security service she'd used before.

But the carrion eaters from Channel Six Action News had arrived earlier thanks to a tip from the nurse at the reception desk. They had already infiltrated the facility with two camera teams and a blonde bimbo talking head and were prowling the corridors looking for a back way into the ER treatment area.

They passed by the Operating Room and then down the corridor to the Recovery Room where Kate was now holding Castle's hand to her cheek and talking to him quietly, thinking that they were alone.

The bimbo spotted a man, clothed only in a towel and with bandaged eyes lying on a gurney. A woman sat beside him, talking quietly but intently.

She motioned her crew back and then told the soundman to assemble the parabolic mic and move in and focus on the conversation in the Recover Room. The cameraman sported a minicam and stood beside the soundman and began shooting.

"That's her – that's Beckett - Nikki Heat! Keep rolling," the blonde whispered to her producer over the open mic.

* * *

><p>"I have something really important to tell you. Two important things, actually. Real game changers for you and me. Josh and I are - "<p>

"What the hell are you people doing in my hospital?" The Recovery Room nurse was coming to do Rick's next 10-minute vitals check when she came upon the buzzards gleefully breaching the privacy of one of her patients.

The nurse hit a button of the wall that summoned security and Kate stood, her mind absorbing the tableau instantly, and she lunged at the cameraman, shoving him violently to the side and almost knocking him down.

The blonde and another cameraman slipped into the room behind her and began filming Rick's partially covered body while the blonde rambled a commentary on the scene. She placed a hand on Rick's chest and was shocked by how cold the flesh seemed.

"Oh, he's – he's _dead!_ Rick Castle is dead, ladies and gentlemen." She'd dislodged one of the heart monitor leads and the machine began a frantic siren call for attention and this fueled more panic in the blonde and added to an already explosive situation.

"Esposito, Ryan, I need help in here!"

* * *

><p>Beckett was in a tug of war with the minicam man while the nurse was slamming Castle's metal-clad chart folder across anybody she could reach. Her rage was monumental.<p>

Ryan burst through the doors, gun held at the ready and stopped, uncertain what to do. Beckett had the blonde on her stomach and the detective's knee was in her back as she cuffed her.

"Help the nurse. Confiscate the damned cameras and arrest them for criminal trespass, reckless endangerment and anything else you can think of that might remotely apply. I want those film cartridges and the disc out of the mini-cam. Damned bottom-feeding scavengers, recording other people's misery for a buck…"

The angry nurse had stopped beating the crap out of the soundman and had recognized the heart monitor's alert. She punched a button on the wall and announced over the PA that there was a 'Code Blue' in ER Recovery and then went to tend to her patient.

Montgomery ordered his detectives and their 'prisoners' out into the reception area to allow the doctors to work on Castle. He couldn't believe a 'Code Blue' now, after all they'd done to stabilize him. Beckett was torn between duty and desire and, of course this being Beckett, duty won.

* * *

><p>Out in the ER reception area Martha had caught sight of the press vehicles in the parking area and gathered Alexis to her and went in search of her son. He was alone and he needed his family with him.<p>

The Recovery Room was bustling with people who suddenly filed out and dispersed taking their equipment with them. They were all smiling and joking so Martha knew nothing was wrong – except that her son was in this damned abattoir and not home, safe with his family.

The nurse who'd been wielding the chart folder with such joy asked them who they were and what business hey had 'in her Recovery Room'.

"I'm Richard Castle's mother and this is his daughter. We haven't seen him yet and we're both very concerned. Can you tell us anything?"

"Why don't you ask him yourself? He's awake, finally. Not even he could sleep through the brawl that was fought almost in his bed. His eyes are bandaged but he's not blind. It's okay to remove the patches in a day or two and I'm just waiting for Dr. Shapiro to show up and them you can take him home."

Alexis smiled and forged ahead to see her father. The nurse had disconnected the various tubes and covered him with a blanket. He still had a few more minutes on the blood bag and then the nurse was sure the doctor would let him leave with his family.

The nurse could spot a mother a mile off and proceeded to fill Martha in on everything she knew about Castle's condition, how he came to be here, why he was here and the outlook.

"He'll be fine and in a few days you'll never even know he was ever in danger. Just remember to keep an eye out for any changes in skin texture or discoloration. If you see it, take him to his own physician and have him call Dr. Shapiro for the file. His stitches will need to be removed by your doctor in about 5 days."

* * *

><p>ER Parking Apron<p>

Roy Montgomery's cell phone signaled a text. So did Beckett's. So did Esposito's. Ryan's was strangely quiet and feeling left out, he checked. "Dead battery. Been on the go since early this a.m. and it didn't charge long enough last night."

Agent Fallon had a solid lead on the bomb truck and wanted to meet at the 12th Precinct to plan their next move.

In addition to the call for the meeting, Beckett's text asked '_How's Castle doing?'_

She looked back towards the ER entrance and was torn between duty and obligation and the desires of her heart.

Duty won again and this simple decision would have consequences, as did every decision in life.


	8. Chapter 8

I'm in a charitable mood after perusing the TV schedule. I sent the ladies out for dinner and a movie. Sent Amanda along to ensure those two don't hit the bars.

Winding this one up. I have to finish some other things and am in the middle of laying new decking so enjoy it while you can.

OM

* * *

><p><em><span>Yes You Did<span>_ by Oldest Man

Chapter 8

They found and disarmed the bomb and arrested several of the perpetrators but the actual leaders of the cabal were never properly identified and thus escaped arrest and punishment. After four days of really intense investigative work, Fallon was ready to go home and see his son and daughter but first he had an obligation to meet.

Fallon was uncomfortable. He was _way_ outside his comfort zone. He was standing in front of Richard Castle's loft apartment and was feeling slightly intimidated by the posh surroundings – and he hadn't even been inside yet.

He rang the bell again and again waited, straining to hear if anyone was coming to the door or yelling 'Will someone get the door, please?' as he'd always yelled at his house before - .

The door opened and a redheaded teenager about his son's age answered the door.

"Can I help you?" She was courteous but cautious.

"You must be Alexis. I'm Agent Fallon of Homeland Security and I was wondering if your dad was home? I need a few minutes of his time to wrap up some details on the case he and Detective Beckett worked on."

"He's at the Hamptons House but you can reach him on his cell."

"He's not answering his cell or reading his text messages either. I was actually concerned he might have relapsed. Has he seen a doctor since being released?"

"My grandmother hovered over him so much that he went to a doctor, got a written statement certifying his excellent health and then fled alone to The Hamptons for some peace and quiet. He's got a deadline on the latest Nikki Heat installment and his publisher doesn't care he almost died. All she wants is her damned manuscript!"

"Is there a phone out there that I can reach him on? It's really important that I speak with him. Alexis, he did a wonderful job and I just wanted to make sure he was okay. Your father is the kind of man I'd like to grow up to be." He smiled at her and was rewarded with a grin and then a giggle.

"My father will never grow up. It's what makes him who he is. He's like Don Quixote and tries to remake the world to fit his imagination."

She frowned and then looked at Fallon, searching his eyes for something.

"And just like Don Quixote there's always the Knight of Mirrors who tears away his carefully constructed imaginary world and shreds it with shards of reality. I'll get you the number to the house. I don't know if he'll answer that phone, either. I get an email everyday at lunchtime and every night before I go to bed so he's still up there and still tilting at his damned windmills."

"That's what makes his writing so good."

Fallon took the number and then went back to his office. If he was going to get to talk to Castle he'd use a special line to do it.

He sent Beckett a text telling her what he'd learned instead. Castle was her problem not his.

_**Reds are fine. Ink in Hamptons. Emails dly. Book to end. Got Hampton number – see attached. Now you owe me. /f**_

* * *

><p>The Hamptons<p>

Castle was feeling little or no pain. He'd finished up the damned book and so he celebrated his literary triumph with a bottle of Grey Goose that he'd put in the freezer to 'chill'. He liked the ending of the book. It was somehow poetic and felt right – in balance – and Castle liked things to be in balance, just like the Scales of Justice had to be according for whatshername.

He glanced at the clock and saw it was time to send another 'I'm great and glad I'm alive and I love you all so much' pre-written email. Truth be told, he wasn't all right, not at all. He still loved them but wished that the two redheads in his life would take the hint and give him some space. They just wouldn't quit nagging and he'd gotten tired making himself 'play nice'.

He'd fled to the Hamptons making up excuses for why he wasn't home or wasn't allowing them to join him. His book was finished but no one knew that and so he could milk it for at least a month or two.

He pulled up his laptop and read through the emails he'd already sent, getting a 'feel' for the tone. He really didn't feel up to cutting and pasting so he looked at his file and selected one that seemed to fit the progression he'd carefully crafted and tapped |SEND| and sent it on its way.

Rick was startled by the house phone. It hardly ever rang. Since he'd turned off his cell, sending every call to voicemail, he hadn't given much thought to his situation. In his mind he was doing the right thing, the noble thing, taking himself out of play and clearing the way for whatshername and the Boy Wonder to have their 'happily ever after'.

_Damn her_.

* * *

><p>12th Precinct<br>Homicide Squad Bayou

_Damn him._

Why won't he answer the damned phone? It could be Alexis or his mother or someone equally important in his world. Instead it was just her, and apparently he'd dropped her from his 'I got to take this call' list'.

She hung up after 20 or so rings. Maybe he was asleep. She'd slept for 18 hours straight after they'd found the bomb truck and she could stand down. She still had the occasional chill but Lanie had assured her that it was all in her head.

Lanie! If anyone could figure out what was going on in Rick's mind it was her. She called her on her cell since it wasn't really police business.

"Hello, stranger! If you're done for the day what say we go out and kill a couple hundred brain cells and get shit-faced?" Javier had spoon-fed her bits and pieces of the 'secret stuff' so she knew what Kate had been doing – alone.

"Lanie, Fallon checked on Rick for me. He was released by his doctor and both Martha and Alexis are fine. He's gone to the house out on the Island to finish his book. I got a number for out there but he's not picking up."

"Kate, maybe he's asleep or out getting groceries. I'd vote that he's asleep sitting at his desk. You know how hard this hit him. Hell, you looked like death warmed over until you slept 18 hours. Castle was a hell of a lot worse off than you so he's probably feeling it more."

Kate pulled the bomber jacket around her as if warding off an imaginary chill. It still smelled like him although her scents were fast overlaying his, dispelling the special scent that whispered 'Castle' when she huddled up in it.

"So why the hell did they not keep him in the hospital? The damage was done as far as publicity was concerned. Did you read what those asshats said was the reason he was in the hospital?"

"Which asshats? There are so damned many of them. Yeah, I read what they wrote. So you and Rick got it on in some kinky manner and he almost OD'd on the drugs and sex? Girlfriend, you better come clean or the public's gonna make up their own stories."

"Fallon put out a statement earlier today about Rick's involvement and how we were almost copsicles. No one will read it. They'll think what they want."

She'd spent an hour on the phone with her dad explaining the situation and assuring him they were both okay. Somehow Castle had inveigled his way past her dad's natural reticence and had gone from 'Castle' to 'Rick' in the process in her dad's mind.

"So what you goan do 'bout it?" Lanie cut through the crap like she was wielding a surgeon's scalpel.

"I can't explain the truth any more than Fallon could."

"No, dumbass, I meant what you goan do 'bout Castle? You need to clear the air if'n you two are ever goan be more than 'used to be' partners. I was there when he was released. He never asked once, not once, where you were, not after he almost hugged the shit outta me once I told him you were okay. Y'know he thinks you were off with LeatherpantsMotorcycleDoc."

"You should have told him, Lanie."

"Couldn't. He kinda passed out into natural sleep once he knew you were okay. I mean one minute he was crushing my bones and the next he was a limp dishrag. His family took him home in an ambulance and I couldn't get anyone there to take a phone call. Those redheads formed a protective shield between their man and the public and no one was getting in. No one."

"Lanie, meet me at Remy's in an hour, okay? I don't feel like killing brain cells but I'd appreciate your ear and insights into my plan."

"One hour. Since I'm counseling, you're buying."

* * *

><p>The Hamptons<p>

He was out of Grey Goose! Damn it, he knew he'd put four bottles into the freezer when he got there and now they were gone. Someone took his damned booze!

Castle knew better than to drive drunk, or even drive after having just a beer or two. He wasn't going to be the reason someone's mother or sister or son or father or husband didn't make it home. He absolutely hated drunk drivers and made a point of calling the cops if he saw one of the road.

He called the local liquor store and ordered a case, no, make it two, of Grey Goose and told them to charge it to his household account. That was one of the advantages of being rich and famous in The Hamptons – you got credit everywhere you went and just ran a tab and then wrote a check at the end of the month.

His head was pounding and it seemed to reverberate throughout the house. Man, maybe knocking out all those Geese hadn't been his best idea but it did dull the ache. Tylenol 3 w/codeine, yeah, that would take care of the pounding. He wandered up to the master bath and found his only prescription medicine he'd kept from his last 'accident'. He took two and walked back down stairs looking longingly out at the windy deck and the hot tub.

_'Why the hell not? I could use a good soak and the sweat will be good for me, maybe take the edge off the pounding.'_

He walked out onto the rear patio deck and shivered. _'Where the hell is my ja – oh, right, I wrapped it around whatshername. Screw it! Too damned cold._'

The idea blossomed in the back of his head and then wiggled it's way into his forebrain. He needed a vacation. Someplace warm and sunny with sandy beaches and champagne and satin sheets and chocolate-covered strawberries and a hot - .

He cringed at a 'memory'? No. He'd never been to – shit. Another false memory. The doctors had warned him about them. He'd laughed at him. Now he wished he'd listened more closely.

Rick wandered into his office and saw the email icon blinking indicating he had mail. _'Maybe it's Meg Ryan wanting to chat.'_

No, it wasn't Meg Ryan. It was the Anti-Christ's sister, his ex-wife and soon-to-be ex-publisher.

_Rick:_

_Deadline's here and gone – again. I can't buy you more time. Production runs cost money to hold up and if you're hoping for a summer release date, I need the damned manuscript right now, this instant, otherwise you're looking at us invoking Clause 7 of your contract and you don't want that, Ricky._

_I can give you a week, no more._

_Gina_

Clause 7? There were a million clauses in his contract and most of them had to do with pulling out his fingernails, taking back his advances, downgrading his production runs and so on and so forth. There were none that said 'if you save the world or even one person you get an atta-boy'.

Gina:

_Attached is the completed last Nikki Heat book. I want you to call it An Absence of Heat. If I remember correctly, it's my decision on what to name the damned book._

_Please note that it's the last in the series. I'm done writing Nikki Heat. In point of fact, I'm done writing for Black Pawn._

_My contract is fulfilled and I'm taking my talents elsewhere. Black Pawn – and you – have no further hold on me or my talents and therefore I am a free agent._

_I'm taking a break. It may last the rest of my life. Who knows._

_Richard_

He attached _An Absence of Heat_ and sent the email twice. There was no way she could then say 'I never got it'. He was on to her silly little games. He then sent a copy to Paula with a heart-felt thank you for all she'd done for him and for putting up with his shit for all these years and explaining his need for a break. She was his best friend. She would understand.

He stood up too quickly and a dizzy spell hit him, hard. He sat back down and for just a second he was someplace else, someplace –

"_Kate! Run! Run!" He stood in front of the wall-mounted TV willing her to hear him – to listen to him – to run._

_He watched as the timer clicked down 11 – 10 – 9 – 8. He shook the TV as if he could get her attention._

_7 – 6 – 5 – 4 "Kate, damn it, Kate!" She turned away from the bomb and he saw her say clear as day "I love you – " She looked so beautiful, so at peace with herself - _

_3 – 2 – 1 – The screen turned white and then black and the hospital room was bathed in brilliant white light and then the entire room exploded inward as the blast wave reached them._

_It didn't matter to Castle. He'd seen her lips, before she became star stuff, form the name of the man she loved – Josh Davison._

A banging on the door shook him out of his fugue-like remembrances. _'Jesus, how long is this crap going to keep happening? I need to see someone about this. Suppose I'm driving and it hits?'_

The banging got louder as he got closer to the front door. '_Liquor boy's gonna lose a tip he don't stop caving in my front door.'_

"You Castle? Got a rush order. Sign here. You know we're not open 24/7? You might want to keep that in mind, sir." Rick glanced at his watch. It was 4am.

He was losing time. What else would he lose before this was done?


	9. Chapter 9

Know your enemy and know yourself and you can fight a hundred battles without disaster." Sun Tzu

Just a little something for you to ponder between infomercials. I got to get me one of those cool things the fat lady hawks. I got more mouths to feed and I hate doing dishes.

Yeah. I get forgetful. ABC owns Castle. I obviously don't.

OM

* * *

><p><em>Yes You Did<em> by Oldest Man

Chapter 9

Remy's [several hours **before** Castle's fugue episodes]

"Okay, Kate, okay. I get it. You're pissed at writer boy because he can't read minds, right? You think he should _know_ how you feel when you just admitted you're somewhat emotionally constipated around him, well around most people."

"Lanie, I never said that. That's gross. I just said that surely he knows by now that he's more than just a shadow, a tag-along, a friend, a best friend, my partner. Surely he knows?"

"How could he? You're with Josh so far as he knows. I mean look at it for just once in your life from his perspective. You lied to him about Demming and the holiday weekend and then were hateful to him when he showed up after the summer. You had a new boyfriend that no one knew about. So he backed off. Became a better friend and an almost-partner."

"More than 'almost'."

"Well, again, that's your perception, not his. He's hung in there longer than even the pool thought he would – "

"You – you _bet_ on us? Lanie?"

"I have to have a hobby. Anyhow, here's the thing, he's hung in there through thick and thin, just for the sake of being there for you and with you and then the freezer comes along and you – left – with – Josh Davison. Now, he didn't know you left, he was far too gone to be aware of anything at all. He was almost dead, understand me? D-e-a-d. He gave you his jacket that you always wear even though it makes you look 14. He gave away a chance to live with his family so that you could have a chance at yours."

"Lanie, I didn't know it was his jacket until later. I thought it was Josh's. Honest. He said Castle was fine, just being taken to a hospital for routine stuff and then he'd be sent home. I didn't know."

"Some partner you are. You didn't even bother checking on him yourself, you just scooted away with the doc. If Montgomery hadn't needed you back at the crime scene you'd have been between the sheets with Josh sharing heat and I'm not lying one bit. Y'know, the more I think on it…maybe Castle's better off waiting for another muse to ring his bells. You talk the talk but girl, you damn sure don't walk the walk."

"Lanie, that's not fair. I was cold, tired, confused and – "

"The first coherent words out of Castle's mouth were 'Where's Kate? Where's Beckett?' What were your's?"

"I don't remember exactly but – "

"I'll bet the doc told you he was fine and that you weren't and he wanted to check you out and get you into a hot tub and then bed. He didn't want you around Castle. He can see what you refuse to and he wanted to drive a wedge between you two."

"These are all suppositions. Where's your hard evidence?" She fell back on the tricks of her craft.

"He called your dad and told him you were making a mistake – the biggest mistake of your life, remember?"

"Okay. Maybe. But – "

"He didn't want you to go back to the crime scene because he knew you'd ask about Castle and he didn't want you hearing the truth."

"Okay. You're right. I can see that now. But what am I going to do about Mr. Hermit out on the Island?"

"Become Mrs. Hermit out on the Island?" She was only half kidding.

"That would be a hell of a marriage. He won't talk to me. None of them will."

"So work on his weak spot – call – "

"Alexis!" They both said it in unison. Kate pulled out her cell and hit one of her contact numbers and listened as it dialed and then rang.

"Alexis, this is Kate Beckett. I'm doing a lot better but I need to talk to your Dad, sweetie. It's really important – no, it's not about work. Work is the last thing I want to talk to him about, believe me. I need to explain some things and then see what happens, that's all. He isn't answering his cell or his land line and I'm worried."

"When was his last email? Oh. Well, good. Listen, I was thinking about just driving out there and talking to him. I really need to explain some things to him and see how he feels about them. This is really important to me, Alexis."

"Can you text me directions? I'll leave as soon as I can throw some stuff in a bag. Thanks, sweetie. I owe you big-time!"

"I assume from what I've heard that you should now be addressed as Mrs. Hermit?"

"Hope so. Listen I gotta fly. I'll keep in touch. I'm not going into work for a while. Captain's orders. I'll call or text."

* * *

><p>Castle's loft<p>

"You shouldn't have done that, Alexis. Your father is a grown man and will resent someone infringing on his privacy, especially when he has a deadline and most especially because you will have allowed it to happen."

"Grams, that was Kate. She sounded desperate. She needs to talk to Dad and I see no reason to keep her from doing so. Those two just might finally be on the same page. Aren't you happy for them?"

"Alexis, sweetheart, Kate Beckett may well be the woman your father loves but she has someone to whom she's deeply committed, her doctor friend. Your father - ", she sighed and then continued after a moment, "my son loves too quickly and deeply and fiercely and almost always loves the wrong woman."

Alexis decided that silence would prompt more revelations from her grandmother so she kept quiet.

"Remember the actress who used him to get a part? And then there's Gina who I curse every time I see. She used your father to further her own career. And your mother, Alexis, left him for another man – for her career, she said, - and it almost killed him. You were all that kept him going. Before that it was Kyra but he probably doesn't bring her up in conversation. She was the first one who tore his heart to shreds."

"And now Detective Beckett's done the same thing. Isn't that what you're saying? But Grams, you see them together. They have such a defined chemistry."

"Sometimes chemistry isn't enough or it's too late. Kate's committed herself and she's not the kind of woman to break that commitment. But she is definitely the kind of woman who can make your Dad happy some day."

"I still think they deserve the chance to at least clear the air between them. She obviously wants to be friends, Grams, and Dad needs a friend in his life."

"Perhaps, but not her. Men can't be friends with women without it either turning into something else or ending badly. Trust me, I've been around the relationship block quite a few times. Your father gets his 'bad judgment' gene from my side of the family. There's no way he could be around Beckett without having her in his life as more than a friend, not considering the way he feels."

"I sent her a text with directions. What's done is done. I'll email Daddy that she's coming to see him."

"No, I think this should be seen as spontaneous not calculated. If your father knows she's coming, she'll arrive at an empty house and there's no telling where your father will end up."


	10. Chapter 10

I'm bored and writing. You benefit from my boredom assuming anyone still reads what I scribble. Okay, nearing the fateful end. Castle's brain has been scrambled and he's adding insult to injury with booze. He's making life-altering decisions in rapid-fire order and is upsetting a lot of people's nice little comfortable worlds he's provided. Good for him, I say. That's my opinion. You're entitled to yours as long as it agrees with mine.

* * *

><p><em><span>Yes You Did<span>_ by Oldest Man  
>Chapter 10<p>

Kate was up early but not early enough to miss out on one of the city's most complicated and historic traffic jams. By 11am she was finally on the LIE and on her way to Castle's. She cursed every time she glanced at her watch. She mentally wrecked every car or truck that was going the speed limit and was almost in tears by the time she'd reached route 27.

It had been her intention to wake him up by banging on the door and then having her say. She planned on waiting patiently for him to realize that everything he wanted was standing right before him and that finally – finally – he should do something about it.

That plan lasted about 10 minutes and totally cratered when she finally got on the LIE. If Castle was staying true to form, he'd be up by now and either writing or putzing around the house.

* * *

><p>Hampton House<p>

Castle was anything but true to form that morning since he awoke at 6am with a monumental headache and he'd taken two more Tylenol3 tablets and washed them down with a tumbler of Grey Goose. He did, however, amble into his office and note again that Meg Ryan wanted his attention. He chuckled thinking that a hot babe like Meg would ever look twice at Tom Hanks. He shook his head to clear it. That thought dredged up others that he wasn't at all ready to face without at least another Grey Goose.

He accessed Eudora and saw that he had several emails from people at Black Pawn and as he looked at the senders he laughed.

Of course, Gina was the first email sender. The next was some flunky from the legal department vaguely threatening him with Article 7. The next was from one of the executive editors asking if a 'change in editor' was required to keep his work in-house while the final one was from Gina apologizing and asking him to call her. She was in trouble.

He ignored Gina's first email entirely and deleted it without bothering to read it.

He told the flunky from the legal department to 'kiss his ass' since he had fulfilled his contractual obligations and that the lawyer could shove his contract up his fanny for all he cared. Any further issues should be discussed with his attorneys, Dewey, Suem & Howe.

He wrote the executive editor thanking him for his concern but telling him that he had probably written his last novel but that it was his decision and that no one at Black Pawn was to blame. He'd been married to Gina for two years but he'd loved her and felt he owed her something for all her trouble.

Lastly he wrote to Gina telling her to just jump the bones of some promising young author in the stable and she'd be fine in no time at all. He made no mention of his comments to her boss. Let her sweat a little.

Castle realized he was hungry and couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten so he scanned the take-out menus in the kitchen and decided on Chinese and placed their usual order to a surprised woman who said she'd open up 'just for him'.

He was almost to the den when he realized that he'd just placed the order that he and whatshername always got. He almost went and canceled the order but figured he could always eat leftovers. He drank another tumbler of Grey Goose and wandered through the house.

'_I should sell this place. I don't need it. Alexis hates it. Mother thinks coming here is exile and no one from the 12__th__ ever accepted an invitation to use it for their vacations. Yeah, I'll sell it, furnished, and take the money and give it to Alexis for her graduation present. She can buy her own car and get her own apartment at Stanford and not have to live in the dorm.'_

Castle glanced at his watch and figured that any real estate broker worth their salt would be at work by 8:30am and he started calling, looking for an agent to take the listing. He finally found a young woman who just gushed about how she would 'love to sell your place' and that she'd be right over.

* * *

><p>By 9:45 there was a large but tasteful sign indicating that the property was for sale and providing a telephone number for 'serious inquiries only'. Castle was satisfied with the first of many steps he planned on taking to redirect the course of his life.<p>

The broker had been surprised at the delivery of Chinese food so early in the morning but was thrilled to actually sit down with 'Richard freeking Castle' and eat. She turned down a Grey Goose but gushed about the house. In his mind he'd already labeled her as 'The Gusher'. She was cute in a business suit with complimenting tuxedo shirt but he wondered how she managed to stay upright on those 4" heels.

"People always ask 'what's wrong with it?' when they see a property like this priced below market. Can I ask why you're selling, Rick?"

"I'm done writing and I don't need it. Never did, really. It was just one of those things that said 'Richard Castle has arrived'. Well, I'm about to depart."

She was young and foolish but there was something about Castle that struck her as 'off'. "Rick, when you say 'depart', what exactly do you mean?"

The house phone started ringing and he chose to ignore it and concentrate instead on the sweet young thing before him. "I mean that I'm moving on, redirecting my life, getting the hell out of New York City and maybe going south. Who knows? I sure as hell don't."

"But what about Nikki Heat? I mean the woman she is in real life. I read on Page Six that you'd – oh, my. You were ill, weren't you? You still are, aren't you? Oh, my, that's why there's Tylenol3 lying all over the place. You're in pain, aren't you?"

"I think you and I are done here. Take the leftovers and let yourself out, please. I probably should take that call since it's the third time they've called since we sat down."

"But – "

"Let yourself out. That's a good girl. My agent will handle all the arrangements once the sale is finalized. Good luck and I hope you get a great commission on the place. Now, go. You've fulfilled your purpose, got my signature. Go, work the listing."

* * *

><p>He grabbed the house phone. "What!" he barked.<p>

"Dad, it's me, Alexis. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. I'm just stressed out by a real estate broker, that's all. She wanted to know my life story and I just blew her off. So, what's up with you?"

"A real estate broker? What are you buying?"

"Selling – this mausoleum. Don't want it. Don't need it. You hate it. Mother considers coming here akin to internment. I'm giving you the money for college living expenses. Y'know, a car, off-campus apartment, wild parties – scratch that. No wild parties."

Alexis was worried now. He loved the place in the Hamptons. She didn't dislike it, but rather was at the age where being around her friends was more fun than hanging with the old folks even if her Dad acted younger than she was.

"Y'know, since Mother has finally got her own place and you're leaving the nest for college, maybe I should sell the loft, too. Move out of the city. Go someplace warm with white sand beaches and blue waters and – Alexis are you crying?"

"Dad, what did Beckett say to you that upset you so much? You're not going to write any more, you're selling the house and now you're talking about selling the loft. What did she say to you that made you so bitter and angry?"

"Beckett? I haven't seen the good detective since the freezer. She's probably wrapped up with her boyfriend trying to get warm again. Remember, she didn't have all the TLC I got."

"She didn't come up there to talk with you? She said she was driving up first thing in the morning to talk to you, to explain some things and talk."

"Alexis, honey, don't take this the wrong way but I think the only thing Beckett really wants from me is my absence. She's invested herself in her relationship with Josh and I've stepped back. She got what she wanted. She's probably just looking for confirmation, that's all."

"Dad, she called me. She sounded desperate."

"Pumpkin, don't make assumptions about people's intentions based on tone of voice. I'm not going back to the Precinct. I finished my last Nikki Heat novel and Gina's editing the crap out of it right now. I'm going to take a long vacation after you leave for Stanford and just enjoy life. I think I've earned it, don't you?"

"But what about Kate?"

"She has what she wants and she's happy. I'm not going to mess that up for her, understand? Josh has a problem with me being in her life and that puts a strain on their relationship and it's not fair to them."

"So you're just giving up?"

"Moving on, Alexis. There's a difference."

"Will you at least talk to her when she gets there?"

"We'll see. Look, I have to finish things up with the broker and then talk with Paula about getting an attorney and handling the sale. I'll talk with you later, baby doll"

"But Dad – "

"I'll see you soon. I have no definite plans as of yet. I may just drive around the Island. In all the years I've been coming here, I've never been to the tip. Can you believe that? Well, that's it for now. Be good, Pumpkin, Daddy loves you."

Now Alexis was really concerned. He never said 'Daddy loves you' to her since she was five or so. 'Daddy' was not even in his lexicon. And he never told her why he was giving up writing. In their entire conversation he'd given up precious little in the way of substance, just platitudes.

"Beckett."

"Kate, it's Alexis. Where the hell are you? Dad's – he's acting strange and making decisions without consulting any of us. I thought you were going to talk to him? He's quit writing, fired Gina, finished the last novel and he's, he's selling the house and you know how much he loves that place. And he's thinking about selling the loft and moving on."

"I got stuck in traffic and I'm about 10 minutes from the house according to your directions. What do you mean he's selling the house? He loves that place. And he fired Gina? Well, no tears over that decision."

"I got the same exact email twice from him. Once last night and again this morning. They're exact including a typo and a spacing error. He's so exact when he writes. Something's up and you need to be aware of it. He wants to 'move on' and 'go on vacation'."

"He's a grown man, Alexis. He's responsible for himself. He doesn't need the approval of you or Martha to do things."

"Yeah, well, think about this. He thinks you want him gone. That he's between you and your boyfriend. That he's putting an unfair strain on your 'relationship'. Is that true? He's not going back to shadowing you because of it. Said it's not fair to you and your boyfriend. Is it true?"

"Alexis, it's complicated. A lot has changed between your father and I since we were in that freezer. Some things have happened that he doesn't know about and obviously some things have happened that I don't know about."

"You never answered the question, Detective Beckett, did you? Well, I guess you have, actually. It's complicated. I get it. I'm 17 not 2. Maybe this isn't such a hot idea. He's accepted things and you showing up will just make things difficult for him."

"Alexis, you don't understand. Josh is – " She was talking to dead air. Alexis had hung up, crying again.


	11. Chapter 11

FF hasn't allowed a posting and then Java updated and reset my browser and I hate computers and it's Monday. Glad I got that out of my system.

OM

* * *

><p><em><span>Yes You Did<span>_ by Oldest Man  
>Chapter 11<p>

It was almost noon when Kate pulled up to the address Alexis had given her and stared at the house. House? It was a mansion. His mansion. And from the Island Realty sign posted prominently but 'tastefully' near the road, it was for sale. He was divesting himself of things that meant something to him. First, the Hamptons house and then writing and, if Alexis was to be believed, his loft that he'd always been so proud of.

Something was wrong. Very wrong. She knew there was one time in a person's life when they went through all their possessions in a mad rush to divest themselves of their worldly goods. When they were contemplating suicide.

She peeled out off the main road and up onto the cobblestone driveway. The stones were set perfectly and there was little difference between the road and the cobbles, just the barest of vibrations and even those wouldn't be felt by the types of vehicles that usually used the drive.

Kate pulled up in front of the steps leading to the large in-laid double doors and grabbed an ornate knocker and began banging at the door, her breath coming in spurts.

"Castle! Castle! Damn you, Richard Castle, open this damned door! Castle!"

* * *

><p>Castle was walking along the high tide mark on the beach that fronted his home and several others along this piece of seaside property. He always loved walking along after a storm. He and Alexis would try and see who could find the strangest or most exotic item.<p>

Alexis had found several glass floats over the years from various countries' fishing fleets. They were proudly displayed on the mantle above the fireplace in the 'great room'. He wondered if she would want them or if he should just shit-can them along with most of the personal stuff in the house. He'd save the photographs, of course. Alexis would want them for her own children someday. The thought made him feel old and worn and done but connected to a future after him by his daughter.

The headache was mercifully gone or so depressed by the Tylenol that it no longer pounded and he was grateful for that although the bright sun was a killer.

He wondered when the damned realtor would show up. He'd called her hours ago and she said she'd be right over. 'Right over' must be defined differently in the Real Estate business.

Rick felt a moment of confusion but then clarity returned and he realized that the sweet young thing had already been there and was gone, taking his lunch of Chinese leftovers with her.

_'Better lay off the Grey Goose for a while. I should call Paula and have her set up an attorney for the house sale and then make arrangements for Paula to manage the accounts for Alexis when she goes away to college. So much to do and so little time to get it done._'

'_Shit! I forgot the damned dedication to __An Absence of Heat_. _No more Grey Goose until I get some work done. What else have I overlooked? The realtor should be here by now. I'd better head back.'_

* * *

><p>Beckett had grown impatient and walked around the back of the house to see if he was sitting out on the deck or if she could see into the house from the rear deck.<p>

She looked at the back of the house in awe. It was almost all glass! She imagined herself and Rick bundled up together on one of the love seats watching the sunrise.

She spotted Castle walking along the beach towards the house and felt a sense of relief. He hadn't left and he wasn't dead. Both were equally heartfelt thoughts.

She toyed with waiting for him on one of the comfortable benches that lined the deck railing but opted instead for seizing the moment.

Kate Beckett toed off her shoes and ran barefoot through the saw grass and out onto the beach and headed right for Rick who was looking down as he picked his way carefully up towards his house.

It wasn't like the movies where the two lovers run to each other and embrace and kiss and fall into the surf and the credits roll.

Nope. Nothing like it at all. More like a meeting between the commander of a besieged garrison and the chief of the besieging force. Wariness on the part of the besieged and a certain smugness on the part of the besieger.

"Castle. I need to talk with you about some things you don't understand but first – why aren't you answering your cell? People are worried about you. You just disappeared after getting out of the hospital and we've all been worried sick about you."

"Really? However do you find the time, Detective Beckett? I mean between bringing down the bad guys and a full personal life, finding time to – "

"Stop it! Just stop it! What the hell is wrong with you? You're selling your house, loft and Alexis says you've quit writing and are going away. You love this house and – "

"Alexis talks too much and says too much and doesn't understand a damned thing. She's 17 going on 40 and I know I'm the family joke and I make light of it but really, I've raised myself in spite of a mother who was more interested in the next role and a daughter who thinks her father is a talented idiot. I'm worth millions and I've earned every last dollar of it using my writing talents. Neither Alexis nor my mother can lay claim to that. Sometimes I think I should have left her with Meredith when I left. "

_'Meredith left him. He'd never let Alexis go like that. He's so callous.'_

"Rick, something's the matter. Talk to me, please? It's freezing out here and you don't have a jacket. C'mon, let's get inside and get warmed up and let's talk about this. I have to check in with some people but then I'm free for the next two weeks."

"Whatever you have to say won't take that long, surely, Detective?"

"I meant that I'm on vacation for the next two weeks, enforced leave, actually."

"I thought Lanie said you were fine, Detective Beckett? Did she lie to me, too? Or maybe I dreamed it? I don't know. Sometimes I remember things that I'm not really sure happened, y'know, and it's confusing. Well, okay, let's get you to a phone and then you can have your say. The realtor is supposed to be here any minute."

That really set off alarm bells. That coupled with the way he was squinting and not really meeting her eyes when he spoke made her really afraid.

"Rick, where are you sunglasses? You're supposed to stay out of the sun and wear sunglasses. You're not even supposed to be using your eyes much. You know that. I read the instructions for your after-care."

"Did you now? And how did you get access to those supposedly private and confidential documents?"

"Your mother showed them to me when we talked."

"And just when and why did you and my mother discuss my medical issues? It's not like either of you really give a rat's ass."

"Castle! That's not true and if you were thinking straight you'd know that we all care about – "

"Bullshit! Where were you when I was thawing out? Where were you when I was hallucinating all kinds of shit? I thought you were dead, Beckett. I thought I'd let you down and I couldn't get anyone to answer me."

"I was _there_, as soon as I realized you weren't home like Josh said. I was _there_, as soon as the Captain got my report. I was _there…_"

She could tell he either didn't believe her or didn't remember or...

She led him into the house and pushed him down on the couch. "Don't move, Castle. I mean it. Do not so much as think about getting off that damned couch. I'll be right back. I was _there_, damn it, and I have the proof."

Beckett ran out through the foyer, '_my God, this foyer is bigger than my damned sublet!', _and ran out to her car and pulled copies of the _Daily News_ and the _Post_ that Lanie had given her.

"Castle, here. Photos don't lie. I have to make a couple of calls. I'll be right here, Rick, and when I'm finished with my calls, I'll give you some context to the photos."

He nodded dully, squinting at the newspapers that had been folded to some photographs.

Kate walked out into the ridiculously large foyer and dialed Lanie Parish.

* * *

><p>"Parish." Uberprofessional. Wary. On guard.<p>

"Lanie, it's Kate. I need some advice – medical advice."

She told Lanie basically all she knew and recounted his comments, attitudes and the fact that he was drinking and taking something with codeine in it. She was more concerned with his memory than anything else.

"Kate, he was hallucinating, having wild dreams, sometimes nightmares and he couldn't wake up. He told me we had a son, me and writer boy, then I overheard him mumbling about some countdown thing and you saying 'Josh'."

"He had a realtor up this morning at the crack of dawn and put the house up for sale and he's thinking about selling the loft and 'moving on' with his life. He gets confused and thinks the realtor hasn't been here yet. There's a signed listing contract on the foyer table and a sign out on the road."

Lanie muttered something Kate didn't quite catch. "What? Confab?"

"I was thinking out loud. _Confabulation_ is when the person thinks something and it becomes a real memory instead of just a dream or random thought. It's a side _and_ after affect of severe hypothermia."

"Does it go away?" She had a brief thought of visiting Castle in a sanitarium in her old age but squelched it when Lanie spoke.

"Yeah. It's transient. Is he wearing his sunglasses and staying off the computer? He needs to rest his eye muscles and well, his eyes in general. I'll bet he took off the pads the instant he got home."

"He's here all alone so yeah, he's not wearing pads and I haven't seen a sign of any sunglasses."

"Bet he's irritable."

"Like a bear with a thorn in it's butt."

"Okay. Feed him, keep him in the dark, take him to bed and keep him calm. 'This too shall pass' like it says in the Bible."

"You mean _put_ him to bed, don't you, Lanie?"

"'Put' works but 'take' is so much more enjoyable for both parties."

"We're not even close to being on the same page yet, Lanie, and I don't want to take advantage of him in his impaired state. It just wouldn't be right," '_no matter how much I want it'._

"Whatever. If you don't pull this off, you might be hunting up a certain doctor to scratch that itch, girlfriend. If there's nothing else you require, Detective Beckett, I have cold meat on the table and I have to slice and dice before I can leave for the day. We done?"

"Yep. Talk with you later."

"Oh, you bet your ass we'll talk."

She closed the connection and went in to talk to Castle.


	12. Chapter 12

Looking forward to finishing this. You're getting bored with it.

* * *

><p><em><span>Yes You Did<span>_ by Oldest Man  
>Chapter 12<p>

She walked back into the living room. Castle was still on the couch but he had leaned back and was resting his head on the leather cushion and had his eyes closed.

Kate watched him for a few seconds and knew he wasn't asleep since his fingers were nervously dancing all over the place – a sure sign he was 'processing'.

_'Processing. What a dumb assed New Age buzzword for 'thinking'. Processing makes it sound like he's a computer and is reading a program and putting data in the right spots. What is he thinking?'_

"You're not very subtle, Detective Beckett but then I suppose when you're a hammer, every problem becomes a nail." He was obviously shaken by the photographs. He needed context.

She sat down next to him and pulled the arm he had resting on the back of the couch around her and leaned into his space and took the newspapers from his hand and sorted them into some semblance of chronological order.

"Rick, look here and I'll explain what was happening when each of these were taken. You – and I – are Page Six exclusives. Now this one," she had a photo of a deranged-looking Josh glaring out of the window of a patrol car at the photographer who was taking his picture, "is after I ditched the asshole and went to report in to the Captain. He'd been Tasered once for being an ass and wasn't handling being left behind with his perfidy for company."

Castle chuckled at her narrative but never said anything or looked away from the newspaper photo.

"Okay, this one was a screen cap from a boot-legged video disc that some TV crew shot after they slipped past security and showed up outside the Recovery Room you and I were in after your procedure."

Kate was sitting with her back to the camera, wrapped in Castle's bomber jacket and with his hand held against her cheek.

"This one pretty-well speaks for itself. Those assholes slipped an entire shooting crew into the Recovery Room and the nurse, that's her with the metal clipboard whacking the one cameraman, didn't appreciate anyone violating her patient's privacy."

"This one speaks for itself also. I was so damned angry and I snapped those cuffs on the blonde bitch so tightly that her hands went numb. I'll probably get sued but I was mad and you were so sick and I was scared, Rick, that you were going to leave…me."

The picture showed Kate with her knee in the back of a blonde woman who was practically foaming at the mouth while Kate cuffed her.

"Police brutality." He whispered the words but had a small satisfied smile on his face. "I'm so proud of you. If she sues I'll pay the judgment, gladly. Prints of this should be in every newsroom in the country."

"Stop it, Castle. I was scared and mad and everything just came to a head and she was there and I took it all out on her. It was a dumb thing for me to do but I wasn't thinking straight."

"Looks to me like you were thinking the way any cop would think – protecting the innocent."

She looked over at him and the corners of her mouth twitched in a grin that was quickly suppressed.

"Innocent? You, Castle? I'll bet you tried to play grab ass with the delivery room nurse."

"Detective, you – " His eyes glazed over and he remembered taking his baby from the obstetrician's hands and then passing out. Something about St Barts…

"Rick, what's wrong?" He had that faraway look that she'd seen whenever he'd mentioned the real estate broker.

"Um, nothing, just lost in a thought. Have you ever been to St Barts?"

Kate's answer was lost in the ringing of the house phone. Rick started to get up to answer it or to disconnect it more likely, but Kate pushed him back down on the couch. It didn't take much of an effort.

"I'll get it. I don't want you escaping quite yet. We still have a lot to cover. I'll be brief and be right back. Keep my seat warm."

Castle watched her 'seat' as she walked across the living room. She filled her tight jeans adequately and he knew she kill him dead where he sat if she caught him admiring the firm roundness that …

She walked over and grabbed the portable phone and walked across the living room to the windows and stared out at the ocean. It was clouding up and the waves were larger than they'd been when she first saw the beach.

"Castle residence. May I help you?"

"_Who is this? I want to speak to Rick. Put him on right this minute! The nerve of him to – "_

"I'm so sorry. You just missed him. May I have your name and number and I'll inform Mister Castle when he returns this evening?"

"This is his publisher, or more correctly, his former publisher. You can tell that son of a bitch that I'm going to sue him for every penny he's got. He thinks he can kick me to the curb he's got another thing coming."

"Oh, you must be Ms. Cowan, the blonde bloodsucking ex-wife I've heard oh so much about. Well, Mr. Castle's lawyer will probably be acting as intermediary. You know how it is, don't you? Oh, I lost a quarter last evening. See if you can find it while you're wallowing around in the gutter. You'll need it. Rick's writing made you who you are, the absence will prove what you are. Have a nice day."

She turned and saw Castle thrashing around on the floor and she tossed the phone onto a nearby chair, missing it entirely, and rushed to him.

"Rick, oh my God, you're having a – "

She stopped when she rolled him over onto his back. He had almost an entire fist stuffed into his mouth and was trying not to laugh.

"I thought you were having a seizure or something. Get up, Scribbles, we're not done yet." Secretly she was immensely pleased with herself. No one dissed her man. No one.

_'My man? Oh, I'm in so much trouble here.'_

"Be – Beckett – oh, shit, that was so damned hot and so damned overdue. God, if I didn't love you before – "

He stopped and stared at the floor, out the windows, anywhere but at her.

She decided to let it slip. There was time for that discussion but not until he was himself.

"Up on the couch, Scribbler, we're not through." She helped him up to the couch and then leaned against him dragging his arm around her. He wasn't sure what to make of this sudden change in Beckett but it was a change he'd longed for.

"Okay. Now it gets interesting." She was holding a page from the Post that had a headline that screamed 'Noted Author Dead of Unknown Causes'.

"I was at my funeral, y'know? I was standing in the back and it was a nice day and Cannel came up and told me it was time to go. Is that what this is all about? Am I dead, Beckett? I wasn't ready to go. I had things to do and I wanted to tell you things but then – shit. I'm dead, aren't I? Is this my 'heaven'?"

"You're not dead, Rick, just having a few problems. You're very much alive, see?" She reached over and tickled him but he winced.

"Stitches, Beckett. That hurt so I guess I'm still alive then. Don't look so devastated. They come out in a few days. The ones on my thigh bother me more but I guess they're a small price to pay for another chance to do the right things, huh?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't know where the stitches were, just that you had them where they hooked you up to the heart/lung thing."

"They come out sometime this week. I think I have an appointment in the city but there are doctors up here who can do much the same thing and I need to be here to meet the real estate broker. Did I tell you I'm selling the house? Don't need it. Useless thing."

Kate bit her lip. Short-term memory loss. Transient and temporary. Still, it bothered her that he wasn't 'her Rick' mentally.

"I'll take you whenever you think they're ready to come out. Until then, just keep them clean and dry. Do you need help changing the dressings? I got basic cop first aid."

She waited for the snarky innuendo-laced reply but all he said was "Thanks. I have a supply of sterile surgical pads and some of that 'ouchless' paper tape up in the bathroom. I can't remember the last time I changed them."

He tapped the folded papers Kate held in her hand and looked at her questioningly. The normal spark in his eyes, the mischievous Castle, was missing and she wanted it back.

"Okay, this one is the team from the Precinct where we're heading off to follow up on a lead Fallon developed on the bomb truck." She hurried to the next one but he stopped her and took the folded newspaper from her.

"You're crying. And Montgomery looks like he's half-supporting you. You were still affected and they made you go back to work!"

"No, it wasn't like that. I was physically fine just emotionally spent and I didn't want to leave you there all alone with those animals from the press just waiting to slip in and dig up the dirt. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make. Stay with the guy – stay with you or do my duty."

"I wouldn't have expected you to do anything else, Kate. You're a cop first and foremost. It's who you are more than what you are. I would have understood if I'd been aware of things."

"I kept telling myself 'I'm doing it to keep him safe', but really, I was still running away from you. Once I knew you were safe, I left, although reluctantly. You still had Martha and Alexis. You didn't really need me at all."

"No, I didn't. I didn't need anyone, really. I was off in another world. Don't sweat it, Beckett. You did the only thing you could have done. There was a terrorist out there someplace driving around with mega-death for a passenger. You had to find the bomb."

"I should have stayed with you and Martha and Alexis. It turned out someone else found it and the NEST team disarmed it. I should have stayed."

She looked up to see how he was handling this prickly part of the conversation but he had that glazed and distant look on his face again.

"Castle? Rick? Hey! No fair zoning out on me. Share your thoughts, Scribbler." She gently poked him in the side and then took his hand in hers and gave it a squeeze. The skin on the fingertips was rough and had began to peel. Lanie told her it was from frost nip. They both had escaped frostbite somehow.

"I watched you die on television. I was in some patient's room and everyone else but the two of us had been moved someplace safe. The camera zoomed in on you standing at the back of the truck and the timer was counting down. I saw what you said, Beckett."

"Saw? Saw what I said?" She was confused.

"Of course, saw. Couldn't hear. No voice on the zoom lens thing. But I read your lips as the timer counted down from 6 until – "

"Until what, Rick. Tell me. You're upset and I want to help you."

"Until you said 'I love you – ' and then the bomb exploded and the blast wave hit us and we died too, I think. But I saw what you said."

She felt a little better knowing he knew how she felt even if it was 'confabulation'.

"You said _'I love you – Josh'_ and then we all died."

Kate was so surprised that she gasped and then looked up at him. He was so matter-of-fact about it. He didn't look sad, just – detached.

"Hey, want something to eat? I can order some Chinese. There's this place in town that delivers. Are you hungry?"

"Do you really believe that?" _'Maybe he didn't hear me tell him that I loved him in the freezer. Maybe it was all my imagination?'_

"I know it for a fact." '_Of course they deliver. They've already been out here once, I think.'_


	13. Chapter 13

Done. No more. Hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

><p><em><span>Yes You Did<span>_ by Oldest Man  
>Chapter 13<p>

It was a little after 4pm when the restaurant delivered their late lunch and as Castle got plates and silverware out for them, Kate concentrated on bringing any conversations around to the topic she wanted to discuss.

"God, this stuff smells delicious. I haven't eaten since last night."

"I think I'm going to go to China, Beckett. I want to compare our 'Chinese' food with the real thing. Want to come along? We can compare notes, maybe co-author a book on the similarities and differences of American versus Chinese-Chinese food."

"You don't have a publisher anymore, Castle, remember?" _'God, Rick and I in China! What a trip that would be.'_

"Oh, yeah, right. Poor Gina. She'll have to lower herself to trolling the new author pool and find another meal ticket. She's not as young as she used to be and she'll need all those tricks in her bag to pull it off."

"You don't sound at all sympathetic, Rick." _'Good. I'm glad you're finally free of that blood sucker!'_

"She made my life a living hell for two years. We're not friends, not any more. She was a better friend than a wife and she was a piss-poor friend. What's that tell you, Beckett? She left me for another author who turned out to be a one-hit wonder. She never was a good judge of character."

"Rick, about the hospital and your memories – you know that some of them aren't really memories, don't you? They're just parts of dreams that you think are real. I never found the bomb so I never told Josh I loved him as my last words. We didn't die in a blast but we almost died in that freezer."

"Well, Beckett, we didn't. We're still alive and kicking and you're _still _dancing around those things you don't want to deal with."

She wasn't sure what he meant but she wanted to keep in control of the conversation. She'd work back to those 'things' he mentioned but first she had her agenda.

"I never thanked you for giving me your jacket in the freezer. It was a wonderful thing to do for me but stupid beyond belief. Do you really think I would want to live in a world without you in it? Huh?"

"Didn't stop to think about it. Just wanted you alive and I didn't weigh the cost. Wouldn't have mattered anyhow. I still would have done it. I'd do it again, too, even if I ended up brain-damaged like I am. You're too important to me to allow anything to happen to you – not if I could do anything about it."

She cringed when he said 'brain-damaged'. If he thought he was 'damaged goods' he'd never accept 'them' in a relationship as anything but gratitude and pity from her.

She grabbed both his hands in hers and squeezed them as hard as she could. She wanted him to FEEL something. He was droning on in an emotionless way, just recounting facts without any the passion he used to have in his voice.

"You are _**not**_ damaged goods, Castle. You're just having some temporary issues, that's all. I promise you that you'll be right as rain in a few days. Things will be back to normal and – what? Why the look? Don't you believe me?"

"Oh, I believe you alright, I just don't know if I want to go back to being the guy that sits by your desk and waits and waits for a crumb, a bone, something that says 'I know you're still here, Castle, and I'm still not sure' from you. I'm tired of being that guy. I'm tired of waiting."

'_Whoa! He's brought up the things we dance around. No beating around the bush with this Castle. Now, it's sink or swim!'_

"I know you're here, Rick. I've always known. I was just scared, y'know? Here I am, being pursued by this guy whose reputation screams 'lay 'em and leave 'em' so I ran as fast as I could. Do you blame me? I didn't want to be another notch in your belt or a hash mark on your headboard."

"Didn't stop you from throwing yourself under Demming now, did it? Nope. Or Josh. You were only running from me. What's that say? I can't do this anymore, Beckett. I can't keep my life on hold waiting for you to decide maybe, just maybe, I'm the guy you want to take a chance on. Nope. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I love you, Katherine Beckett, and if that's not enough for you, if I haven't proven it in countless ways, then go. Leave. Be gone. I'm not going to waste another moment of what time I have left waiting."

'_I wanted his passion back and I got what I asked for – in spades! Is this him talking or the confab – the stuff?'_

* * *

><p>While she was having her private moment of panic, Castle cleaned up his plate and walked out of the kitchen. He had his say. The ball was in her court. She had to make a decision. No more dancing, running or maneuvering. He wanted an answer and would live with whatever it was. He planned on doing quite a lot of living for the rest of his life. He didn't want to do it alone but he was tired of living the way he'd been.<p>

When she looked up, he was gone. "Castle! Where are you?" She didn't know how long she'd sat there after he handed her his version of 'Hobson's Choice' but he'd cleaned up the debris from lunch and disappeared.

She scraped off her plate in the trash and put her plate and silverware in the dishwasher and went in search of him.

* * *

><p>Rick sat in his study and researched 'confabulation'. Not a good sign. If he were actually 'confabulating' would he be aware of it? Was this whole thing here at the Hamptons House a glorious exercise in his mind's ability to confabulate while he still in the hospital or worse, still in the freezer and these were the last pitiful discharges of neurons as he froze to death?<p>

If that were the case, then he couldn't die, could he? In this brief space and time he was both immortal and omnipotent – or crazy as a loon. He laughed at his thoughts and figured that either Beckett had disappeared to wherever dream characters go when you wake up or was still sitting where he'd left her – processing.

'Processing' rather than 'thinking' seemed to suit her. She was very mechanical and robotic in some respects. She plodded from point A to point B while her mind turned facts and suppositions over and over – processing.

He chuckled at his wit and walked up to his room. He was cold and figured a hot shower and a nap would put his mind back in synch with reality, or at least he hoped so. He forgot about his imaginary houseguest and stripped and got in the shower.

* * *

><p>Kate had covered the entire first floor and had briefly walked out from the kitchen through a large pantry and out into the garage area but hadn't found her elusive host.<p>

'_Surely he wouldn't have gone outside? It's cold and beginning to rain.'_

She walked back into the living room and opened the glass door and walked out onto the windy deck and quickly reversed her steps. It was raining and cold and not even Castle was crazy enough to be out in it.

'_Upstairs. We might have missed one another in this mausoleum and he went upstairs. Does he do his writing upstairs in an office or study?'_

She cut through the foyer and grabbed her bag and made her way up the curved staircase to the second floor, stopping along the way to look at framed photographs of the Castle family. They were arranged almost in chronological order and she quickly realized that these photographs chronicled Alexis' growing up.

The first photo was a small one but obviously treasured since it was framed ornately. It showed a young Castle hugging a young redheaded beauty in a hospital gown. She was holding a red-faced and wrinkly baby – Alexis.

As Kate ascended the stairs so did Alexis' age and the subjects of the photos. Some were small while others were larger and either from publicity shots or professionally posed. Sometimes she was alone but almost always she was with her father and sometimes a woman that Kate identified as a surprisingly young and striking Martha Rodgers. She too aged as Kate climbed the stairs as did Rick and Alexis.

Near the top of the staircase was a photo of them together at one of the launch parties. Rick, Alexis, Martha and – her, Kate Beckett (or Nikki Heat). She'd never seen it before and she wasn't sure when it was taken but she could see how right they looked together – like a family.

Once she reached the hallway on the second floor it was obvious where he was. The only door open was his bedroom and the sound of his horribly off-key singing filled the room. He was in the shower.

For just a second she thought about turning and going back downstairs and waiting for him to come down. For just a second. Then the reason she was there came back info focus and she laughed and kicked the door shut and tossed her bag on his – hopefully soon their – bed and left a trail of clothing from the foot of the bed to the bathroom.

She stopped when she was a few feet inside the bathroom, shocked, stunned, amazed and amused, all at the same time.

The bathroom was bigger than her living room. There was a his & her vanity, a sectioned-off alcove for the commode, a full corner shower that was the size of her entire bathroom and a sunken tub that she figured she could swim laps in if she ever got the chance. _Or live out some fantasies I've been harboring since I was younger._

_Henry the Eighth_ was the song he was butchering. She smiled and then laughed. It was so – so damned _Castle_ that she had no choice. He made her do that a lot. Smile and laugh. She liked herself better when she was around him. His influence was subtle and invasive and she wondered if it would always be like this.

Grinning but nervous, she opened the glass door of the shower and boldly walked in between him and the main showerhead and claimed her prize.

"_Beckett!" _The surprise was evident in his voice.

"You were expecting someone else? The real estate broker, maybe? The Chinese delivery girl? Hmmm?" She teased him even as she ran her hands over his soapy chest and lightly ran her fingertips over his lower abdomen to find his stitches.

"No! I just wasn't expecting anyone." He was still surprised by her boldness and nakedness. He never let his eyes stray below her collarbones but he thanked God for his excellent peripheral vision.

"You shouldn't be getting these stitches wet, sweetheart. I'll make sure they're good and dry before replacing the dressing." Her voice was pitched low and even she was surprised at how seductive it sounded. Almost wanton.

"Ah, Beckett, I think – "

"It's 'Kate' from now on and I think you think too much."

He didn't know how to respond so he wisely said nothing.

"Look, here we are, in the shower, finally warm and together, and you have nothing to say?"

"Is this real or am I hallucinating again?"

"Which would make you happier?"

She reached a soapy hand behind his neck and pulled him down into a hungry kiss while her other hand reached around and held him close to her. She felt the effects of her kiss on him in seconds as he pulled her tightly to her and deepened the kiss even more. His hunger matched hers and when he growled her name into her mouth she knew what she'd been afraid of but desired so badly was hers for the taking.

And take it she did.

* * *

><p>"So where do we go from here, Kate"<p>

"I'm on leave for two weeks. We can stay right here or go anywhere you want, my love."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know."

"So?"

"So I think we should go slow. Date. Get to know each other. If this is going to work, I want to dot all the I's and cross all the T's."

She felt rather than heard his sigh. She had him. And now it was time to reel him in.

"Rick, what do you think?"

"As a plan for us? I think it's stupid, ill-conceived, and just another example of your damned fear of committing to an 'us'. That's what I think."

"Okay. How about this? We spend our two weeks here and then when we get back to the city you help me move out of that ratty sublet and into a much nicer place. Think Alexis would mind another woman competing for the bathroom?"

"That's your plan? We move in together? That's the best you can come up with?"

"On short notice? Yeah. Isn't that 'commitment' enough for you?" She thought she was being daring as it was but didn't want to push him too far.

"No, it's not. You'll still have one foot out the door emotionally. No, not acceptable."

"Okay, Mr. Commitment Guru, what's _your_ plan?"

"We spend a few days here doing exactly what we are now…" he trailed his fingertips down her naked back and rested his palm on her bare buttock. She squirmed against him and he swore she _purred._

'_while I recover my wits and ensure that this is not some hallucination or confabulation'_

"And then we move your stuff into the loft and then, with all the proper traditions followed, I propose, you accept, we set a date and we get married and then we live happily ever after."

"I think I like your plan much better."


End file.
